Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Managing guilt

I didn't choose for my knee to blow out.  I would have liked for it to keep on working,  
moving me through my days
getting me to and from work
moving me around my house doing chores
decorating and shopping for the holidays
leaving the house by myself


I felt really bad at first for missing so much work.  I never meant for it to be that way.  I had lots of PTO saved up and I thought to myself  "well, if I can't use it now, maybe I will need it some day".  That some day began last Fall.  Bad timing for work, but we can't always have plans go the way we want them to.  I have heard comments form people at work about me being off so long...well, it wasn't a vacay for me.  I suffered physically AND mentally.   I know my co-workers were overworked and short-staffed,  and while I feel sorry about that,  I didn't just chose not to work during the busiest time of the year.  I really thought I would be back to work real quick!  I'm sure it will be awhile before all of them come around.
Because even if they say they understand, I know it's hard for some of them to let go of resentment.  It shows.
And having guilt about this sucks
 It's not even reasonable.  Especially since there was nothing I could do to change the direction of what was happening. So, I would like to say I am sorry, but I don't really know what I should feel sorry for.
It is what it is.
I'm choosing to let it go.


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