Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Relationship roadkill

So, it's been a  little over three weeks since my sister and I had a conversation via texting that led to her telling me she was tired of my hatefulness, and  go away, and me blocking her number.  Not my finest moment, nor hers either.  But it is what it is.  Here's how it went down.

 Thanksgiving, 2010
Only the expression is real...

Mother calls me being grouchy and unreasonable.
I rant to Sister, who empathizes.
Hubby gets notice from his boss that he was either going to be let go immediately, or he could sign a paper agreeing to the impossible and be let go in a few weeks.
I rant to Sister who empathizes.
Sister calls Mother and tells her my business.
I call Mother, expecting to be able to talk with her about it, only to be shut down because she "already knows".  
I ask Sister if she told Mother my business.  Hours later, Sister replies yes.
I ask why.  Sister says that Mother was still fuming over the "grouchy and unreasonable" conversation she had with me, and Sister thought that by telling her I had troubles it would make Mother feel better. (that's messed up)
I text that I would have preferred to talk with Mother about this myself.  Sister informs me that the world does not revolve around me, says she's tired of my "hatefulness".
I reply:  "Bullshit, as usual".
Aaand...that led to where we are now.


I am irritated, mainly with myself, for believing that my sister and I could actually have some sort of relationship. I realize that friendship is an unattainable goal with her.  I thought that deep down, she really did love me and wants the best for me.  But what I see now it wasn't that way.  I guess I can't share my private life with her.  I never envisioned a future where I was without grown siblings I could count on.  It feels very sad.



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