My mother is getting on in age - 89 this year. And while we're concerned about her physical limitations sometimes, its her mental disposition that has me worried lately. Recently I visited her to take her lunch and a chair that Mark had repaired for her (again). I wasn't in the door 5 minutes before she told me to come into the living room so she could talk to me. To make a long story short, she laid into me. She said I yelled at her in a previous phone conversation, called her a "bore", and said I told her "I was sick of hearing" about her eye troubles. I was flabbergasted! Those words did not come out of my mouth. When I told her that, she said I was either a liar or losing more than my hearing. She said she was "quoting me" which could not have been so. When I reminded her of the facts regarding my interest (phone calls and letters) and involvement in her safety (taking her for errands, helping her clean, bringing her lunch, fixing various things) she sneered and said "Oh yes, you are the perfect mother". She had a lot of negatives to say about my sister Alene, too. She told me she's been having bad dreams - could she have dreamt I said something?
I was so shocked at all she was going on about that I didn't even cry. There is no basis for anything she said and I had spoken to her a couple of times that week and she seemed perfectly reasonable. If I am not being a good daughter, with actions that speak for themselves, then what can I even say? She was insistent in her belief that I had done wrong. So I calmly told her I would fix her a good lunch, then leave. The rest of the "visit" was so awkward. She asked me if I wanted to "come look at this quilt you're not interested in" - again, something I never said. It was hard to turn the other cheek, but I did the best I could. She wouldn't allow me to clean or do anything to help her around the house or take her anywhere, which made it a rather wasted trip. After lunch I hugged her and said goodbye. Then I went directly to meet my friend Carol at Saddlehorn a little earlier than we had planned. And it was so good to talk to Carol, who also has aging parents.
I'm not sure what the next step is in ensuring she has safe and happy golden years. Now I am a little more worried about the possibility that she has some dementia. What to do?
I struggle with this daily. My mom just went into a somewhat assisted living community (non-medical) and I am there daily to administer meds. There are good days where I leave content and other days I sit in my car in tears. These are things we have just not been prepared for and it is so difficult. So, you are certainly not alone and all I can say is that we are lucky to still have our Moms with us
ReplyDeleteOh dear...so heartbreaking. I know your heart was shattered at the things she said. It does indeed sound as if she is in the first stages of dementia. A trip to her doctor might be needed...I know there's now meds to help with this. I am almost as old as your mom and I worry about my mind going...I tell my kids and grands that if it ever comes a time that I talk mean to them or don't know them, remember how much I love them and I am so sorry. It is a very terrible thing to lose the use of your mind. God be with you, Gina, as you travel this road.
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