I feel like it took me forever to decorate for Christmas this year. I even changed up the routine; Put only the main tree out after we returned from the tree farm. Decorate it. Sweep up. Relax. In years' past I tried to get it all done the day after Thanksgiving so we could all enjoy it as soon as possible and as long as possible.
But my new plan left all of the other stuff to do after I had already worked my 40 hour week: The kids' tree, the mantel, the other odds and ends Christmas that goes up. Christmas in just about every room - two trees, Christmas mugs, magnets on the fridge, mini trees in the china cabinet, decorated pillows, wreaths and pinecones...And I started stressing it. Too much Christmas.
I just don't feel Christmas. I haven't for the last three years or so. I know that is bratty beyond belief - we have a beautiful home and it smells good and is clean, with indoor heat and plumbing, enough food in the fridge and freezer, clothes to wear. I just dread the commercialism and materialism and stress the holidays bring. I want to make it more meaningful. Somehow, Santa doesn't do it for me. And there are Santas and angels puking all over my house.
My daughter and I had a convo about it.
Me: There is too damn much Christmas here. I am toning it way down next year. Going to give some of it to you to pretty up your place.
She: Christmas is good.
Me: Yes. But I feel stressed. We own so much of it. Every year I purge it. Every year it seems to grow by itself!
She: Oh that's no good. I decorated my tree as I waited for the AT&T guy on Monday.
Me: It's a lot to put up and take down. We decorated the kids' tree and I. Am. Done.
She: Santa puke is pretty.
Me: Blergggggg
I mean, I love seeing all of the things that remind us of happier times, but maybe that's what's doing me in. Seeing those things and realizing how different our lives are now. It's not that our life is bad by any means, but there's something about having your kids grow up and the whole family, parents included, experience Christmas a lot differently. And the reality is, all of the decor is just noise that drowns out the focus of the season itself anyway.
I need to relax a little and try not to stress it, I know.
