Resolutions

I didn't make a whole lot of New Year's resolutions this year, but I am resolved to do some things differently.  Speaking my mind on this blog will always happen.  I don't have any room for regret on doing that.  This is my space to journal and I feel like I should be able to speak freely.  However, there are a few things I thought I would aim to improve in my daily life, and in moving forward.

I want to get Rustown projects done - the backyard landscaping, the deck removal, painting all of the ceilings, and replacing the bathroom floors.
I intend to get my nails back to healthy. Healthy skin and hair would be awesome, too.
A vacation this summer is in order.
I intend to move off of the weekend shift and work hours that accommodate time off with Mark.
The boys are going to get pushed closer to the edge of the nest....shove!
Simplifying the stuff we own - a must.

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I've started on a few of these things already, so I feel like I have moved out of the resolution phase into the action phase.  I'm also trying reeelly reeelly hard not to vent so much about work to my co-workers.  I'm sure they understand, but it would be hard for them to only hear the negatives come out of my mouth.  So, I am trying to make an effort to narrow down who I chat with and how often I lapse into ranting.  Very hard to do. What I say to myself for redirection is somewhere along the lines of  "focus on self-improvement and health".  This helps me understand, at least on a conscious level, that I can choose to refocus on what I want for myself, not what others who don't have my best interests at heart see fit for me.  

I guess if resolutions were easy we wouldn't have to make them.  We could just decide we wanted something for ourselves and strive to make it so, on the daily, without giving in or giving up. So, I know these things won't be easy, but are they do-able?  I think so.

I want it back

There are so many things that I feel like I have lost - some of them temporary, so many more permanent, and I want them back.  My craft room, my clean house not full of people always coming and going, my hair, my general day-to-day health without pain, loving my job, a happy husband...I think my list could go on for quite some length.

When I was doing the only two crafts I made over the Christmas season, I came across this jar in the bottom of my supplies tote. {Side note:  I don't want to have to store all of my sewing and craft stuff.  I never see any of it and that makes it hard to get crafty when I have the time.}  This is a decorated Ball jar that Chloe made up for me when she was in Brownies.  I think it originally had cookies in it, but now it is home to buttons.  I guess what I really want back most of all is some joy in life.  I don't feel much joy right now.  I'm not sure where that is coming from exactly, but I will blame the holidays since there is so much stress involved with them.  Deadlines for things, the cost of things, the buying/wrapping/storing/cleaning/cooking/working/missing out on time at home...it's doing a number on me.  I was ready for the holidays to end, and I think that for me that will be complete when we get further along in January.  I want to have the joy of the holiday season back because it used to be so much more fun.  But for now I want the calm back.   No more nasty surprises at work, either. I want to look forward to this year, knowing there are good things ahead.  I want some optimism back.