Let me preface this little tale by saying: You cannot, should not, give someone something as a gift, and then ask for it back. It's not yours any more. And trying to make the person feel guilty or sad is underhanded. It's something I think most of us learn as children. But I also think that as we get older, we become more like children, no? Last week I visited my mother and admired a quilt that she had just finished for a great great nephew of mine. I helped her with it, even. It had little boys appliqued in calico, each holding a toy or a treat. See? I drew the things the boys were holding or playing with.
It was fun to see the art I had drawn, all embroidered on the quilt. And as usual I complimented her on it. We had an okay visit - I helped her locate a ring she though she had lost, ran her over to a feed store for seed potatoes, and took her out for lunch. {Visits with my mother are all about listening to her, doing for her, helping her.} But after lunch she told me that she wanted a baby quilt back that she had given me when Grayson was born. She said I "guilted" her into giving it to me. I don't even remember having a conversation about baby quilts when Gray was born - I'm sure it was the last thing on my mind at the time! If my mother wasn't interested in my first three babies, why would she'd be interested in the 4th? Having her make a quilt for him is not even something I would have mentioned to her.
In the above photo, the quilt in question is the third one from the bottom, with a turquoise square between tiny red and white floral. Its a lovely quilt - made of vintage and antique fabric, and I really assumed that when she gave it to me, it was a gift. And something about her telling me she wants it back makes me dig my heels in even harder and make sure she understands that I wouldn't do so, no matter what. Because, why? What does an 87 year old person want with that baby quilt she gave to me as a gift? Why would she have relinquished it to begin with if it were so dear to her? And why wait 18 years to tell me she regretted giving it to me and wants it back? Um, too damn late.
The short answer, of course, was no. But I wrote her a letter today and mentioned the quilt at the end of the letter. I told her I hoped she wasn't serious about wanting it back. That I had it stored away in a safe place awaiting it's future owner - my first grandchild. And I just left it at that. And I am hoping she and I won't have to have words over it. Because that would be ridiculous.
I feel as though I will never fully understand the woman. If one of my children came to me and wanted something I had created, I would give it to them. I would be both pleased and flattered that something I created would be important. And I would never ask for it back, because I would give it fully and freely to begin with. Things are not love. Love is love. But asking for something back that you gave in love, is like asking for the love back.
So that's about what it boils down to - she cannot give freely of herself without regret. And apparently, an 18 year old baby quilt is weighing on her mind. And now I have that off my chest, so it isn't going to weigh on mine.
