Happy things for Summer 2025

she's looking forward, and so am I

 

Like everyone else, I have a mix of Good and Not So Good in my days, but I'm choosing to focus on the Good more often to serve the confirmation bias of my brain.  So with that in mind, here's the current list of happy things for summer:

*I will have a 3 Mental Health Mondays in June/July, and I will probably take one or two in August as well.  The one I took in May felt good.  I have moved from feeling bored/sad/at loose ends on these days, to feeling more optimistic and engaged.  Its like a mini vacay with low expectation/high possibility.

*I will continue meeting my college friend for coffee a couple of times a month.  Not only is she a good listener, but a good conversationalist, and she and I share some fundamental similarities and outlook on life and motherhood. Bonus: I'm trying out new coffee places.

*I am going to a concert at the end of June and Chloe said she will get me safely there and back. 

I joined The Long Center and will attend as many Drop In concerts on Thursday evenings as I can.  I also signed myself up for a theater performance at the Zach in July.  I am scheduling myself fun things to do, out on my own, with the goal of enjoying life.

*I signed up for two grief webinars in June, and have an eye appointment in June, and a dental appointment in July. I am still working on: finding swim lessons and going to the pool to exercise, daily walks, watching what I eat to avoid the foods that I am sensitive to, drinking far less with the goal to be dry, watching what I spend, following a grocery budget, figuring out a beach trip, and encouraging Grayson to find an apartment.

Its not a crazy busy summer, and it feels do-able with measurable goals!

He's not here, I am

 A couple of years ago, I got a very unhappy response from one of my peeps regarding Father's Day and the fact that I did not send out a group message acknowledging the day.  And Father's Day is creeping back up on us, so here's what I have to say about that:

I'm still here, he is not.

I'm still doing my job as parent, providing all of the emotional support of both parents.

I'm still here for you to come to when your life falls apart and you need a roof over your head for a little while.  I'm still the one who will organize and implement family holidays, all hosted by me, at my house.

I'm the one who is keeping the ship afloat - paying for the life insurance policies, letting you keep your cell phone on my plan because its cheaper for you that way, helping you pay for college, guiding you through small and not so small struggles that you need advice on.

I'm also the one 100% responsible for my own health and the care and repair of my house and car, with very little, if any, assistance from you.  I'm the one who collects your mail that still gets delivered to me and who makes you a stocking every Christmas.

When you were a child I was the one who made sure your summers were full of swim lessons, sport camps, part-time jobs, summer field trips and learning, and trips to the beach.  If you had clothes, chores, scout camp, and opportunities to visit family - that was all me.  I also made sure you and your siblings got to spend a lot of time with each other, seeing movies, going to parks and swimming pools, eating fun snacks, helping me grocery shop, and seeing Austin like a tourist.

I'm sorry Mark is not here and my adult children can choose to honor him in their own way, as I have encouraged them to do - but I will not facilitate that.  Don't misunderstand me (or do) - I'm not saying I was the better parent, but I am saying that I think I did a good job, I still count, and I'm still here.  And I think he would agree with me.

Happy Things for May 2025

In no particular order: 

*We've had enough rain for my front and back yards to flourish. I got some dwarf Nandina planted and will get on an every two weeks schedule with mowing the grass.  Bit by bit, I am getting all of the pollen and leaves off the yards and red rocks area. I trimmed up the Ligustrum and they look like they are blooming, scattered some grass seed which I noticed has sprouted, and the Japanese boxwood on either side of the garage got a big chop!  I mulched everything out front, too.  It was good to catch up on all things yard-related. 

 

*I have sold the Baja - praise!  I'm not getting much for it, but I am OK with that. It didn't make sense to pour more money into it, and as fate would have it, the thing died - with the windows rolled down. It was the last big thing of Mark's to go, and not seeing it in the driveway will be amazing.

*I have several things planned for myself in May so far, including a grief webinar, coffee with a friend, annual physical, and a concert at The Long Center.  It feels good to have a mix of things on my To Do list - all of it is really self care.  I started walking again (took a break in February that lasted too long) and I am still talking with the therapist.  Cooking is making me feel less angry and stressed.  My hair has responded to the minoxidil and is sprouting.  Overall, I feel better.

*Chloe stepped up to support her youngest brother during a tough time.  I am reminded that my kids are nice people who love each other and these reminders do my heart such good.  I was giving them some space, but I want to engage with them more often.  Dylan got a cat and is adjusting to life in his new apartment - I miss him but I'm so glad he is doing OK.

Goal:  keep this positive momentum going!