A couple of years ago, I got a very unhappy response from one of my peeps regarding Father's Day and the fact that I did not send out a group message acknowledging the day. And Father's Day is creeping back up on us, so here's what I have to say about that:
I'm still here, he is not.
I'm still doing my job as parent, providing all of the emotional support of both parents.
I'm still here for you to come to when your life falls apart and you need a roof over your head for a little while. I'm still the one who will organize and implement family holidays, all hosted by me, at my house.
I'm the one who is keeping the ship afloat - paying for the life insurance policies, letting you keep your cell phone on my plan because its cheaper for you that way, helping you pay for college, guiding you through small and not so small struggles that you need advice on.
I'm also the one 100% responsible for my own health and the care and repair of my house and car, with very little, if any, assistance from you. I'm the one who collects your mail that still gets delivered to me and who makes you a stocking every Christmas.
When you were a child I was the one who made sure your summers were full of swim lessons, sport camps, part-time jobs, summer field trips and learning, and trips to the beach. If you had clothes, chores, scout camp, and opportunities to visit family - that was all me. I also made sure you and your siblings got to spend a lot of time with each other, seeing movies, going to parks and swimming pools, eating fun snacks, helping me grocery shop, and seeing Austin like a tourist.
I'm sorry Mark is not here and my adult children can choose to honor him in their own way, as I have encouraged them to do - but I will not facilitate that. Don't misunderstand me (or do) - I'm not saying I was the better parent, but I am saying that I think I did a good job, I still count, and I'm still here. And I think he would agree with me.
Spot on! Unfortunately, I don’t think our children will truly appreciate us until after we’ve gone and they’re smacked upside the head with the realization as to all that we did. It’s hard to lose a father, so I sympathize with your offspring, but to still have a mother is something that should be celebrated. Even on Father’s Day.
ReplyDeleteI can relate, though my three struggled the last two fathers day as well. We all just sort of get through the day. I've no young ones anymore but dang, the parenting of adults as a widow is quite a lot too, particularly when none of them have significant others. All the emotional support needs land on me while I try so hard not put mine on them, leaving me with no one.
ReplyDeleteVery well stated!
ReplyDeleteTruth!
ReplyDeleteWow, this really hit home. It’s so true that being a parent isn’t just about showing up on one day of the year—it’s the everyday love, support, and hard work that often goes unnoticed. You’ve been holding everything together, from the big stuff like finances and health to the little moments that really shape a family. I love how you reminded us that parenting is ongoing, even when one parent isn’t here anymore. It’s so important to recognize and appreciate the person who’s still there, doing the heavy lifting behind the scenes.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing such an honest and real perspective. You’re doing an amazing job, and your kids are lucky to have you. Keep shining!
Asep Haryono
Indonesia
Well said. They have no clue how we feel about Father's Day or Mother's Day for that matter. While we see everyone celebrate that day with their living person, we on the other hand just stand there with memories.
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