My mother is having a tough time hanging in there after she totaled her pick-up. To say we are worried about her is an understatement. She has a horrendous purple bruise that extends the width of her abdomen, exactly where the seatbelt kept her alive. It is taut and has a knot on it, causing her pain when she moves a certain way. Another on her breast is draining down towards her nipple. She's shaky on her feet, cries easily, and says she doesn't "feel like herself". At one moment she'll be stubborn and unyielding to offers of help or advice. The next, she's crying - confused and frightened like a child, saying she wishes she could hide in a closet. I feel a little overwhelmed with this as I'm sure she does, too. I've never seen my mother this unstable, even after Jim died.
A week after the accident I arranged to spend the day with her. My plan was to clean off some spaces in her kitchen - I felt like it was key to her not losing so many things. This bill, the driver's license, those keys...it's hard to stay organized with so much clutter. I took "before" photos, assuming I could help make sense of her space. But as the day wore on, the feeling of overwhelm paralyzed me. This would take much more than a little cleaning and decluttering. And she needed to be taken grocery shopping, to the bank, to the library...the afternoon slipped away. What was I thinking? I could straighten and clean all day, but in the
end, if she isn't willing or able to maintain it, its all for nothing.
So I wasted time I could've spent just sitting and talking with her that I will never
get back. The feeling of overwhelm takes you out of the moment, unable
to change direction easily. Like swimming in mud with boots on. I want to do something that will fix the situation, but sitting there in the midst of all that clutter made me realize how futile that is.
I think my sister is on overwhelm, too. She keeps coming up with scenarios that are sure to cause both she and my mother much pain and unhappiness - her overwhelm manifests as panic. My half-sister is also feeling the effects - Mother snapped at her and instantly she shut down, effectively limiting her ability to help. And probably damaged their relationship.
A truck accident that had everything and nothing to do with us has defined our future interactions with our mother and each other. And the side effects are that we have each lost some of our problem solving and resiliency.
That's what overwhelm feels like from here.
If it helps any, you are not alone. I know what overwhelm feels like. I finally reached a breaking point, that I knew was coming, and ended up in the ER. Among other things, I’ve been told to do nothing for two weeks. It’s weird not to be running at a frantic pace, but this is advice that I’m certainly going to take. I know it might not be possible for you, but try to give yourself some time off if you can. We can’t be help to others, if we’re not well ourselves.
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