I'm a list maker, for sure.
If I'm at work and I think of things I need to do, I might set an alarm in my phone, but I will just as often jot a list on a post-it note and put into my pocket. I make lists for groceries, errands, reminders, you name it. So its no surprise that I sat down and made a list called "Things I can do to make myself feel better when I start sinking..."
I started off great yesterday, getting ready and out of the house on time for work. But once I was there I felt this gloom come over me that just snowballed into full out despair and while I know that in part is caused by hormones and my own brain, I also know that I have to find a way to deal with it when it happens. My sister's advice was to keep adding things to my life that make me happy or that I enjoy. But lately its been hard to find the happy in things I once loved to do. She said I should be as proactive about letting go of the things I cannot change and adding more good things.
On the face of it, that sounds reasonable and right now I have to have some sort of life jacket that I can hold on to. Enter the list.
I will refer to it often, adding and subtracting things, and it will serve as a visual reminder here on my desk to not give up. There has to be some light at the end of this tunnel. I am so tired of this feeling.
Grieving is no joke - its 100% hard work.
