Have you ever heard of the book "Sh*t My Dad Says"? It's hilarious. Every now and then I will remember some sh*t my mother said and it stings a little, but is funny never the less. Please enjoy this photo of her giving me the look she often did, while you read some of her jewels. (this might be one of those on-going projects as I remember more)
that look says it all
This place looks like the wreck of the Hesperus!
What will I care? I'll be dead.
Oh, just gimme the damn thing!
You'd complain if you were being hung with a new rope.
Rich people who get themselves into trouble "can't stand prosperity".
I'm just going to let the world turn a time or two.
The very idea!
I wish I could run away from home.
Get out the damn way!
Just burn time, Melissa (sister).
She/He don't know her/his ass from a hole in the ground.
Its cold as a witches tit.
Why are you laughing?
She/he doesn't have sense enough to come in out of a pouring thunderstorm.
Alene (sister) only gets one day off, after all - the rest of us get 24 hours.
I wish I were in Spain!
I wish you kids would get grown!
(to my sister and I) If you had a brain cell between you, you'd set your hair on fire!
Gina just loves those children...(shaking her head)
You can go straight up and turn left.
Stick it where the monkey put the banana.
Loosen your GRIP.
Have you spoken to your sister Griselda?
Oh, Gina...you're not going to heaven. (in a sad voice)
(muttering) Bad ole girl.
I wish I had all boys - they would come help me.
Other jewels:
*One time she told me I was praying all wrong because I didn't say "In Jesus' name" at the end and that my prayer didn't count.
*When driving Mother someplace she would say "you planning on stopping any time soon?" when you were 1/2 a block from the red light.
*She loved to watch what she called the "I Hate Trump" channel.
*She would tell us that we had the "Whitworth frown". (my maiden name)
*In high school she would sit on the edge of my bed with her coffee in the mornings chirping "Uppie uppie!"
*She loved to refer to our Dad as "Old Whatshisname".
*When I wore mums and corsages to football games, she'd say I looked like Mrs. Astor's horse.
*Told my sister she was "carrying (her daughter) around on a pillow".
*Got angry with me for drinking coffee (she could not) while I was giving her a ride to her eye surgery at the crack of dawn. I asked "do you want me to stay awake while I drive, Mom?", and she hushed.
*One minute telling me what a great (weekend) job I had then next telling me I was going to hell for working on the Lord's Day.
*If I mentioned my daughter, she would interrupt with "Don't tell ME what to do!", which was not something my daughter was known for saying.
* Sometimes she would sing "no one loves me, everybody hates me, think I'll eat a bug!" if you were feeling down.
*If you were a telemarketer, she would just gently lay the phone down on the table and walk away.
Most of these things made me laugh - I guess I could cry about them, but where's the fun in that?
OMG, I remember a lot of those sayings from my childhood. My Dad used to sing the song that included the line "nobody loves me, everyone hates. me, I think I'll eat a bug". He also sang the Yes we have no bananas song.
ReplyDeleteGreat list, and I too heard some of them.
ReplyDelete"I wish I could run away," was especially grating for some reason.
"Quit that laughin' stuff!" when my sister and I got the giggles; and we still say it to each other to this day. LOL
"You would cut your nose off to spite your face." (Guilty as charged.)
But her all time favorite that was on repeat: "Be careful of the words you say, keep them soft and sweet, you never know from day to day which ones you'll have to eat," which I just this minute realized goes right along with the cutting off of my nose one. :)
Absolute fave memory of one: "You gonna stop anytime soon?" One day I decided not to argue with her, I just took my foot off the gas, but did not apply brake...we actually rolled to a stop before reaching the stop sign! I think she called me a 'smarty-pants', but she never said it to me again! LOL
Ha! My mother would say "I wish I were in Spain!". Also she would tell us we were "acting the fool". Made us cut up even more.
DeleteYes! please Keep writing them. I've only heard a couple. Some real funny ones here. Now you've got me to thinking.
ReplyDeleteOh and remember the children in China are starving, eat your food.
ReplyDeleteA lot of times she would say you had two choices at dinnertime "take it, or leave it".
DeleteI've heard of that book! It's funny how those sayings stick in our head. Sometimes I find myself saying them...like this place looks like Collyer's mansion when the house is a mess.
ReplyDeleteThese are so funny!! She seemed like such a character. My dad said a few of those too!
ReplyDelete