The eulogy I never posted

Mark's memorial at Highlands was a year ago today.  Doesn't seem possible...

I wrote my first ever eulogy while I was in the midst of grief - shell-shocked and bewildered.  I had no idea what I could say to my kids to give them peace, because I had no peace myself.  But I managed to put together something, much like I did the obituary.  Only time will tell if my kids remember this day and the words that were honest and heartfelt.  I'll just leave this right here...

In advance of this eulogy for Mark, I want to ask that each of you to feel that you, too, can share your thoughts about him, whenever it feels right for you to do so. The beauty of us being out here together, as family, is that we can feel supported and uplifted by each other as we reflect and remember.

To that end, I would like to offer this prayer:

God, we are gathered here today as the family of our husband, father, and brother in law who has departed from this world and come into your presence. Lord, it is not easy for us to stand here and eulogize him, but we know that he is now together with You in heaven and in no pain or sorrow. As we honor him, let the unconditional love that you showered upon him during his life fill Highlands. Help us to learn how to love and support each other in this time of sadness, loss, and celebration of life. In Jesus’ name, we pray. Amen.

Its been 8 months since Mark died and Spring, with all of its hope and renewal seems like the perfect time for all of us to gather and celebrate his life and all of the blessings we knew because we loved him and he loved us.

Sometimes blessings happen when you least expect them, and sometimes they are well-disguised! Sometimes they seem like the cruelest thing you can imagine, even in the face of God's greatest mercy. A little background on how it all started...

Mark and I met by accident in 1980 at my high school boyfriends house. He's nice, I thought.

Then later that year I stopped to chat with him while he was actually out on a date – my bad...but I still thought, what a nice guy.

Then sometime later I chatted with he and friend when they stopped to say hello as they were cycling down the seawall in Galveston, and I was laying out sunbathing in my lawn chair with a girlfriend – both of us enjoying our summer home from college. “He's nice!, my friend exclaimed. You should date him!” I scoffed.

Months later still I bumped into him at a popular college spot in Austin when we were each out with friends. I just kept bumping in to this guy! We spent the evening dancing and laughing.

Our first “real” date happened when he invited me to his 21st birthday party in San Marcos and the rest, was a very obvious blessing.

Its been a challenging 8 months for sure and I do terribly miss bumping into that guy. And I'm sure it will continue to be challenging for some time to come. During these times, its hard to focus on the blessings instead of the loss, but maybe even more important to do so. The less obvious blessing is that he wasn't aware it was his time to go so he wasn't worried, stressed, or frightened by that. He did not linger in pain or fear. That's not what any of us would have wanted for him. It was a relatively quick and natural passing for him. Even though it was traumatic and lingering to all of us, it was a blessing that he did not suffer needlessly.

Mark was my person.  The only one I have ever planned to grow old with.  And I actually did! And we had a full life together. Forty years came and went... along with 2 houses, Highlands, 15 cars, 4 cats, 3 refrigerators, 4 dishwashers, umpteen vacuum cleaners, a boat, 2 canoes, 5 pregnancies, 4 children, 14 jobs, near financial ruin, rebounding success, sad times, happy times, sickness and health.  All of this and more - the full gamut of life together. Good and bad rolled into one huge blessing.

Chains do not hold a couple together in marriage, any more than money or wedding rings.  It is the many tiny invisible threads that sew a couple together and keep them connected over the years.

Everyone here has a Mark/Dad/Mac/Slap Daddy Mac memory to share, maybe many of them, and I hope you will do so here today and all of the days to come. It will help to keep you connected to him, and he to us.

All of us knew his wit, his counsel, his jokes, his hugs, the timbre of his voice.  He was someone we could always lean on. He left a legacy of love in his children, whom he was very proud of, always. My hope is that, in times of trouble, you will hear his voice in your head, remembering his advice and love.

God's mercies and provisions are new every morning. So on a daily basis, we should optimistically ask for and strongly expect: 

the miracles,

blessings,

and breakthroughs

that he provides for us in this life.

We should, in fact, in faith, expect the best.

In closing, I would like to offer this prayer:

Compassionate God, we thank you for the life of Mark who finished this life loving you and trusting in your promises. We thank you for the life and grace you gave him and the peace in which he now resides. Have compassion on our grief, Lord, and fill our hearts with thanksgiving to you. From you comes every good and perfect gift, including the gift of eternal life. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.