Tuesday, October 20, 2015

I warned you I was going to keep it real...

In a recent convo with my mother, she told me that the previous day she had mowed her yard, and all the while wished me ill will.  Now, I'm not one to let something strange like that pass.  I mean, my mother is 85, a fact that she likes to remind us all of quite often.  But that doesn't mean she's not in her right mind.  So I asked her exactly why she would take the opportunity of mowing her grass to wish me ill will, to which she replied "you'll understand when you're 85".
Ok, so I have two things to say about that.  I could say more, but I don't want to harp on it.


1.  If you don't want to mow your own grass, why did you buy a $1200 riding lawnmower?  (And for that matter, a double size lot.  To retire on.) How about you sell the lawn mower and hire a service?  If you have money to hand out to one of my grown sisters every time she cries that she is broke, you can afford to hire someone, even WITHOUT selling the mower.  After all, said sister is the one who talked you into buying the thing to begin with, telling you she would come mow for you. 


2.  Have you asked for my help with this?  Every time I visit I ask you what I can do to help you.  You never have a list of things I can do, even though I ask you every. single. time. to put one together.  The last time Mark and the kids came with me to visit you, you put us all to work raking and mowing.  He accidentally backed the thing into your fence, then spent an hour or so running to the lumber store and repairing it.  It is an unsafe piece of equipment that is devilishly hard to drive.  And instead of thanking him, you ridiculed him and in general, were ungrateful about it.  And yet you continue to say that you need a teenager to come help you take care of your yard - the same grandmother who is not interested in her grandkids at all and lives a three hour roundtrip away.  My family doesn't want to visit just to be your yard slaves.   I don't feel like that's the only thing they should get to do on a visit to grandmother's.  Spend some time with them.  Get to know them.  Yardwork not included.


If I have to listen to how it's hell to be 85 just one more time... I'm sure its challenging for her, but...     Please Lord, don't let me turn into a hateful and bitter old person.



Tuesday, October 13, 2015

I'm entitled to own them

People like to counsel you for feeling the way you do if it doesn't mesh with what they feel, or how they feel YOU should feel.  I find that to be offensive.  I mean, I own my own feelings, right?  However ugly they are, however they don't serve me in my quest to find some peace, they are still here with me.  I guess they will be until they aren't, and not much anyone can say to me will make them go sooner.  So, I appreciate it if you want to make me see the error of my ways - but I see it myself already, and I'm working on it.


And come to think of it, why do I have to hurry that process?