Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Again with the nail problem

Here we go again - another winter of my nails peeling and breaking and cracking and just generally being jerks.

While shopping for groceries, I checked out the nail section at HEB and found this OPI product.  I have no idea if it works, but I am willing to give it a try.  It came with a free crystal file.  Whoop. Which is good, because it wasn't cheap.

I set up my supplies in the kitchen since that is where I am most often.  So every other day I paint more of the lacquer  on them.  Plus, I use the nail oil to help the polish dry while softening the cuticles.  I really have no idea what else to do.  I take my biotin religiously, don't hand wash dishes unless absolutely necessary (which is just a couple items about once a week), use hand cream all the time...

I am keeping them so short that it's mildly uncomfortable to type.  This is the second winter I have had this problem and I can't figure out what specifically I am doing to have this issue!

My hands look ancient.  They are so dry!!!  What else can I be doing?  I think I will go over to Sally Beauty today and pick up some Barielle cream. Could it just be the combo of cold and dry weather here? Come on, spring and bring your rain!

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Making people angry is a gift...

Like anyone else,  I am pretty good at a few things.  Just a few.  Some big, most small.  And one of the things, I have noticed lately, is Making Other People Mad.  Which let's just call that a big thing.  Because most of the time, having someone irritated with you is unpleasant.
Both for them, and for you.

 Please enjoy photos of cow skulls.  They look like I feel a lot of the time...

Now, mind you - I don't start everyday thinking "how can I piss someone off today?"  It just happens for me.  And it's been going on for a while now - maybe I was always that way to some degree, I don't know.  I could make all kinds of excuses for myself, but at the ripe old age of 55, I know the difference between making a friend vs. making an enemy.  Sometimes people forgive me, sometimes they hold me accountable for waaay too long, even after I have tried to apologize.  You can't punish someone forever for being ornery.  Well, you could, but what is the point of that?  You can decide you want nothing to do with them, on a daily basis, but you don't have to seethe.

Examples: I point out the obvious that other people would quietly let go, or ask an uncomfortable question in a polite convo, or insist someone consider another viewpoint (playing devil's advocate), or I remind them of something they did in the past that did not work out so well, or I state an unpopular opinion that goes against what the group says, or I repeat a request (ok, nag) until I get the response I want.  But it's not like I can't have a reasonable and polite conversation.  I can.  And I try not to be judgemental, but really, don't we all make value-based judgements every day?  I don't wander through my day dispensing my opinions, but if they come up in a convo, I'm not likely to say something I don't mean for the sake of keeping peace.  Does that make sense?

I could name you at least 5 people right now who would agree with my assessment of myself being a pain in the butt.  If I had to make a quick list I would say my sister, some people I work with, my teenager, and Mark from time to time, among others.  Truth be told, it IS a burden to have the ability of pissing people off so often.  I hate to make excuses for my behavior, because I hate it when other people make excuses for theirs, but more and more I feel like maybe it's just who I am.  I always thought I was a basically nice person, but I have my doubts lately....but I could no sooner not be me than anyone else could - I am who I am.  The old Dr. Seuss adage applies:  those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.  However, seems like the list of people who mind is growing...

My PT scolded me for being too "me" at one of my first sessions, followed with: "I'm sure you're a perfectly lovely person with other admirable qualities" (or something to that effect).  Had I not been in a compromised state, dependent on her for help, she would have gotten quite the reply.  As it was,
I  ignored her and went on being me. {In my defense, PT was a rough go, and my therapist wasn't particularly warm and fuzzy}  But her first impression of me was probably, sadly, the most accurate.  Now, I wasn't aiming to be besties with the PT, and I don't go through my day in general thinking I am out to make a friend, but I also don't think "who can I irritate/annoy/anger today?"

It does matter to me that I don't intentionally make anyone else feel miserable.  In the past couple of weeks I have tried mending fences with a couple of people who discount me as someone Not To Like, and I even told my estranged sister Happy Birthday and shared a photo memory of happier times on Facebook.  I'm not sure how else to begin to right those wrongs, and I'm not even sure I consider them wrongs.  But I don't want to be the person you avoid because she's a bitch.  I'm not interested in a major personality change, and I don't even think thats possible.  I would love to focus more on being diplomatic.  And I am trying to be a better listener and a better friend. Seems like reasonable goals to work towards, no?  Or am I just trying to have it both ways?

Tuesday, February 9, 2016


Let me just preface this complaint by saying that Grayson is a great kid.  A really great kid.  He does well in school, scouts, and band.  Doesn't steal or destroy my things.  Is on good terms with his siblings.  Does what I ask him to do, chore-wise.  A whole crap ton of good things I never did in my teen years as I tortured my mother with my bad behavior.

But I recently caught him in a lie - let's just call it as I see it.  And I realize that even a good kid can do things that make a parent cringe. So I'm trying not to make more of this than what it is: hormones raging wildly in a teen that has older siblings and wants the same freedoms for himself.  But that's not going to happen in my house.  Though I want him to have his own space for privacy, I firmly believe that in your parent's house, when you are a minor, there is no such thing as a right to privacy.  Your parents own the house and just about everything in it, including the air you are breathing.  So, I stand firm in my policy:  If you give me a reason to distrust you, and I think you are putting yourself or someone else at risk, I will intervene.

And it will be so much harder to gain my trust back.  
After all, been there, done ALL of that.

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

What I miss

There were a lot of things at the end that I didn't love about my cat.  Things I knew I wouldn't miss.  I know that makes me sound like a meanie.  But there were just as many things about her that I did love, and they are things I find myself missing.  A lot.

Her lounging on my bed, open to a belly rub.

Her loving to sit in open windows, sniffing the air.

Her being near me, no matter where I was in the house.  And usually waiting somewhere near the front door when I walked in from work.

Always near me.  She knew I was her person.

The silly ways and places she would nap.

 Her calm and sweet demeanor.

Her helpfulness with laundry.

 Her loyalty to me when I was recovering from knee surgery.

Her gently inquisitive ways.  She wouldn't even hurt a hamster...

Just a sweet cat, gentle and unassuming and perfect for all of us.  
I miss her.