Capable

Somebody recently told me that their brother was having a hard time getting a job.  After all, he's old.  And no one wants to hire someone in their sixties since they're just going to retire soon afterwards.

HE'S  65.

I'm 61, and will be 62 this year.

Every day I think to myself:  I'm strong, I'm smart, and most importantly, I'm capable.

I can lug heavy equipment.  Lift things and small humans.  Stand for a looong time with a lead apron on (though sitting now and again is a good idea).  I get up every day and accomplish more before I leave the house than most men, married men, can even conceive of doing.  I know this, because I was married to such a man, and he was doing good most mornings to roll out of bed, pour his coffee that someone else brewed, and sit, SIT, at his computer for 8 hours in a quiet and clean house, knowing dinner would happen through no effort of his own.  And not only that, but I would continue working at home after my work day.  How else were we gonna have clean clothes?  Mark NEVER did laundry.

If someone has the audacity to tell me I am too old to do my job I will laugh in their face and keep going.  Is that the difference between men and women in the workplace?  Men get to check out after 65?  Women keep going.  We live longer, why not.

I'm tired of being asked when I'm going to retire.  Do not let this head of silver hair fool you - I am capable.  I'll let you know when I'm ready and meanwhile, you can continue being impressed by me.

Ha!

Happy things for April 2022

 In no particular order

Wine Wednesday leftovers for lunch!

*Wine Wednesday with The Girl.  Its good for both of us.  She has to stop working at a reasonable time and fix a meal and I can't go directly home to hide in my house after work.  She's actually becoming quite the cook - the above meal is baked chicken thighs, roasted brussels sprouts, and homemade farfalle and cheese. We don't drink wine so I don't know why we call it that.  

*It's Spring!  I cannot tell you how dreary skies affect me to the point at which it makes life seems very bleak, regardless of what else is going on in my life.  And if I'm already struggling, its just a million times worse.  I need sun! I probably shouldn't, but I most definitely am going to spend time in my lawn chair getting some color on my legs.

*The truck is almost paid off.  The house note went down $100 a month and that will also affect my finances in a positive way.  And fingers crossed that April will be the lucky month for Darby to sell.  I am feeling a little nervous about my budget what with the RV and a kid in college.  I'm just going to keep expecting the best and working hard.

*Mentally I feel better!  On a scale of one to ten, I'm at a solid seven.  I am working towards getting to eight but I am not rushing myself as I want to legitimately stay feeling better.  No big changes, no rash decisions.  Smoothly and calmly moving ahead.  

*I continue to smile every time I think of Scout and Dutch.  I'm so thankful that they emerged not only intact from all of the pandemic, financial, and job/car woes but that they also made a personal and traditional commitment to their long term happiness.  

Five things ranging from social to emotional to financial to mental to family - I feel pretty good about April so far!

When the inside doesn't match the outside

Miss Highlands Cactus sprouted two tiny teddy bear ears which are adorable. 

This is the topic between me and a couple of friends lately.  Someone recently commented on the family blog that the inside doesn't always match the outside and there could not be a truer statement for my life right now.  I actually feel like the reverse of Miss Cactus above: prickly and vulnerable on the inside and smooth and calm on the outside.  Still trying to take care of my physical and mental health as best I can, wearing clean clothes and eating meals and doing all of the things that make getting through the day to day possible.  But on the inside there is still much grief, anger, guilt, sadness.  And my brain is doing a good job of parceling that out in bits so that I can keep going. Two steps forward, one step back. Baby steps at that.

So just know this:  it may look like life for me is moving forward (which it is) and I am doing OK (which I am) and things are getting done (which they are) BUT on the inside, sometimes, the reverse may be true.  

And my blogs are not always a good indication of the whole story, inside and out.