Capable

Somebody recently told me that their brother was having a hard time getting a job.  After all, he's old.  And no one wants to hire someone in their sixties since they're just going to retire soon afterwards.

HE'S  65.

I'm 61, and will be 62 this year.

Every day I think to myself:  I'm strong, I'm smart, and most importantly, I'm capable.

I can lug heavy equipment.  Lift things and small humans.  Stand for a looong time with a lead apron on.   I get up every day and accomplish a lot before I leave the house.  If someone has the audacity to tell me I am too old to do my job I will laugh in their face and keep going.  Women keep going.  We live longer, why not.  I'm tired of being asked when I'm going to retire.  Do not let this head of silver hair fool you - I am capable.  I'll let you know when I'm ready.

Happy things for April 2022

 In no particular order

Wine Wednesday leftovers for lunch!

*Wine Wednesday with The Girl.  Its good for both of us.  She has to stop working at a reasonable time  and I can't go directly home to hide in my house after work.  She's actually becoming quite the cook - the above meal is baked chicken thighs, roasted brussels sprouts, and homemade farfalle and cheese. We don't drink wine so I don't know why we call it that.  

*It's Spring!  I cannot tell you how much dreary skies makes life seem bleak. I probably shouldn't, but I most definitely am going to spend time in my lawn chair getting some color on my legs.

*The truck is almost paid off, the house note went down $100 a month, and fingers crossed that April will be the lucky month for Darby to sell.  I am feeling a little nervous about my budget what with the RV and a kid in college.  I'm just going to keep expecting the best and working hard.

*Mentally I feel better - on a scale of one to ten, I'm at a solid seven.  I am not rushing myself as I want to legitimately stay feeling better.  Smoothly and calmly moving ahead.  

*I continue to smile every time I think of Scout and Dutch.  I'm so thankful that they emerged not only intact from all of the pandemic, financial, and job/car woes but that they also made a personal and traditional commitment to their long term happiness.  

 I feel pretty good about April so far!

When the inside doesn't match the outside

Miss Highlands Cactus sprouted two tiny teddy bear ears which are adorable. 

This is the topic lately.  Someone recently commented on the family blog that the inside doesn't always match the outside and there could not be a truer statement for my life right now.  I actually feel like the reverse of Miss Cactus above: prickly and vulnerable on the inside and smooth and calm on the outside.  Still doing all of the things that make getting through the day to day possible.  But on the inside there is still much grief, anger, guilt, sadness.  And my brain is doing a good job of parceling that out in bits so that I can keep going. Two baby steps forward, one step back.  So it may look like life for me is moving forward (which it is) and I am doing OK (which I am) and things are getting done (which they are) BUT on the inside, sometimes, the reverse may be true.  

And that's OK.