Things I wish I could do over*

I'm sure that a lot of people play this game with themselves.  {Its kind of like spending the imaginary Lotto millions you've just won.}  If you could only go back in time and re-do things that you now have 20/20 hindsight on, right?  Maybe you are remembering a happier time and just want to re-live it.  Recently Grayson told me he wanted to be 16 again -  when he was happy.  My heart broke a little.  Being 16 is something I would do over, too, but for different reasons. 

When I was 16 I lacked discipline and direction.  I was chasing things instead of working hard to attain what I wanted.  I dreamed and wished for a life that I wasn't actively working toward achieving.  And I wasn't a particularly nice person because I was so dissatisfied with my lot in life.  I lost my way with my religion, relationships, self-respect.  And all of that was when I had the initial opportunity at maturity, having made good grades, gotten a driver's license and a part time job, and attained some status in high school circles.

me at 16

So.  With that being said.  Here's what I would do differently starting at 16:

*focused on what I wanted to do for a living someday, and apply for jobs and opportunities that would have taught me something as a basis for future endeavors.  While employed I would have maintained a high standard of honesty and hard work, limiting my absenteeism, gaining insight from my peers and supervisors, and learning how to manage my money.

*enjoyed all of the opportunities high school had to offer instead of being so laser-focused on popularity, drill team, and boys. Taken college prep level classes from the get-go.

*pick the university I wanted to attend based on my future goals, graduated on time, working part time and keeping my grades high. Started applying for post college jobs sooner.

*Dated more than one or two people in high school.  Said no to things I shouldn't have been doing.  Been responsible for my own health and well-being.  Kept the lines of communication open with my mother and asked for her input.

*Been a better person overall, made worthwhile connections and met more people.  Told my family I loved them and honored those relationships.  Gone to church with my mother.  Taken care of my body and my overall mental and physical health.  Asked for help.

*Plotted a course, walked the path, held my head up, made myself proud.

Its like they say:  youth is wasted on the young.

*still following a series of prompts

The kindness of a stranger

     Recently I used Lyft to get a ride to the dealership to pick up Subie. Normally, the driver isn't talkative, but Kitty in the maroon Accord was very different.  She greeted me like I was someone she knew, smiling and saying "hello!".  She asked about my day and I told her I was picking up my car from repairs.  She told me that her father was a mechanic and although they did not live close, she always got his opinion on car repairs. She said "yeah, its always something with a car.  One minute its are running fine, then next its a $1300 repair".  "That's funny, I said, that's exactly how much my repair is!"  She was so confident and out-going, and talky.  She said, "so I always ask people I meet: one, what do you do for a living, and two, what brings you joy?"  I told her that what I did for a living and that it did not always bring me joy....and I was still trying to decide for myself how to find joy after two years of widowhood.  I asked her questions about Honda vs. Subaru and why she loved "Garnet" as she lovingly patted the dashboard. (which is something I always do with Subie)  In the blink of an eye, she was dropping me off at the dealership.  I tipped her a couple of bucks and told her I was sorry that it wasn't much.  She seemed genuinely surprised and delighted and wished me a happy day.

     I know it sounds strange, but I felt like I was supposed to meet her that day.  She got my morning off on the right foot and the rest of the day went smoothly.  I had two very delish breakfast tacos, got a bunch of stuff done around the house, had a great lunch at home, did a bit of shopping and cleaned out my car, went on a walk, made a good dinner, cleaned the kitchen, got ready for work the next day, and slept well.  It was a good day.

car repairs should always be followed by tacos

     I've had that feeling before in brief encounters with people and been in awe of the bigger force in play.  Kitty was like a breath of fresh air on a cold and overcast day when I was dropping big bucks on my 8 year old car during a hugely expensive month. Her kindness and genuine interest in other people gave me perspective and a calm outlook that lasted the rest of the day.  

Happy Things for February '24

 Is it just me, or does it seem like New Year's was just a couple weeks ago?

Also...it seems like I really look forward to January for that fresh start/clean slate feeling, then various things happen that take a little of the shine off.  I am going to keep my head up as best I can and find the good.

*the fence is repaired and it cost much less than two other quotes I got.

*the water pressure issue for the house and kitchen was resolved and its soooo nice to have good water pressure and a fully functioning kitchen faucet!

*I started a walking program and while doing so I listen to various Ted talks which are helpful.  I am changing the way I look at grieving - very eye-opening.

* I got that big auto pipe outta my garage, a bunch of stuff decluttered from my house, and Grayson is helping me sell the ham radios.  Progress!

*I'm going to buy a new car, sell mine to Grayson, then sell the Baja and Ridgeline.  Will I regret this?  Right now I can't see a reason why.

Deep breaths - February is off to a decent start.