Things to think about with grown kids

This is heavy on my mind, as I adjust to an empty house and adult children that I don't hear from on a regular basis. (which actually might mean that they are successfully living their lives!)  Rather than feel sad, I choose to empower myself and move forward as a single person on this earth.  

What follows are my own thoughts.

      Are your adult children pulling away from you and what you represent?  This can happen for a number of reasons - every family is different.  Maybe they will find their way back in some way, but maybe they will not.  It happens.  Rather than trying to "fix" something, focus on what you can control:

     *Stay in touch, just enough.  Limit interactions that you initiate.  Don't always call, don't stalk, don't constantly text. Let them take the lead sometimes, too.  Prioritize your sense of self worth. 

     *Offer advice only if they ask, and be interested in what they share with you.  Listen, but don't judge.  Share what you feel like sharing.  Don't be nosy and don't tolerate nosiness from them.  

     *You are not a child; you have made it this far in life and you are capable.  Let them know you love them, miss them, and are here for them.  Do not plead for reciprocity.  

     *Maintain your dignity - you know your value. Its their life, yes, but its your life, too.  Don't make yourself small, you are not inconsequential.  If they are pulling back, for whatever reason, that's on them.  Social media will tell them all sorts of trendy things that are flat out wrong - its not up to you to fix that.  Continue living your best example of a person with healthy emotions and a worthy life. 

     *Accept their choices, but expect them to accept yours, too.  Hold them accountable for their actions, as you would expect them to hold you accountable for yours. Relationships work both ways.  Life doesn't always turn out like we expect it to.  But keep doing the right things for the right reasons, anyway.  

     *Don't compare your relationships with your kids to other people's relationships with theirs.  This is not fair to anyone, least of all you.  You can and will survive and thrive.  Not only is it expected, but it is within your reach, is a gift to yourself, and sets a good example.  Go live your best life.  

     *Cry when you need to - that is OK.  You are human and entitled to your feelings.  Stay busy and engaged in your own life with things you want to do.  Add interests, hobbies, keep learning.  Add more people to the mix.  You can, and will, find others to be around and expand your circle. 

     *You are a whole human, deserving of love and dignity, and you can have this. Your adult kids do not define you or your life - they never did, even as small children.  Once they are adult, you have finished raising humans.  Do not raise your grandchildren.  You are not here on earth just for emergencies, but you can choose to help with those when you can.  You are also not the bank.

     *Aim to live a great life, a long life.  Take care of yourself physically and mentally.  Stay independent as long as you can.  Make yourself proud.  Seek your peace.