sunset photo by Chloe
I guess most people call certain calendar dates and hard days "triggers"; birthdays, anniversaries, holidays. Days where you feel the weight of life is heavier. For example, in July I dread Mark's upcoming deathiversary. Add to that issues at work, planning for retirement, loneliness, and just plain old blue days. So I gathered another list of helpful things - this one for moving through tough times and tricky dates.
*Acknowledge your emotions, allowing yourself to express sadness/frustration/anger in a healthy way. Crying is OK. Recognize what is true for you in the moment, without judgement. Offer yourself kindness and compassion. Remember that everyone struggles sometimes - this is our shared humanity.
*Focus on what you can control - break big problems down into smaller parts then determine the next best step and move forward. Sometimes life will feel like one long learning experience.
*Prioritize your health and self-care, seeking out support as needed. Maintain consistent routines for eating, sleeping, and how you spend your free time. Spend some time outside in the sun, in nature. Stay engaged with work at work, then leave it there when you go home. Avoid living in your phone.
*Practice gratitude daily and challenge your negative thoughts. Remind yourself that tough times are temporary.
*Stay true to yourself. Engage in activities and people that align with your values and goals. Protect your boundaries and avoid getting overstimulated by other people's negative energy - take a break from others when you need to.
Admittedly, this all sounds easier than it actually is.
It does sound easier than it is but a great list to focus on over and over again.
ReplyDeleteYes! I have this list on the bulletin board above my desk. It is helpful to read it often so it will be remembered over time.
DeleteI'm trying to be a supportive friend to a fellow widow who has many things that bring the hardest moments forward. For myself, I'm not without my challenges but try and move forward a bit. She may be a reader too and maybe this list might be if help.
ReplyDeleteI also have a friend who is a widow. We have different challenges, for sure. Moving forward is such a slow process!
DeleteMy mom was widowed at 36 with 5 children. I was 13 at the time. Bless her heart she was totally unprepared for her new responsibilities. I actually learned a lot about preparedness in the early years. Your list is good, no doubt about it. But I also urge you to do things the way they need to be done, for you. In all honesty, it is you that need consideration. I hope you offer it to yourself ss easily as you would to another woman who has lost her husband. Just my humble opinion, but I think it is a good one.
ReplyDeleteI know I am having a different grieving experience than if I had all my peeps at home. That would have been very hard, and I can appreciate how strong your mother must have been. I try to remind myself daily to love and care for myself. No one is coming to save me, so I have to save myself, and I want to do it well.
DeleteWe might consider getting together fir coffee. I have enjoyed getting to know yiu when you visit my blog, and when I visit your two blogs. I am about 2.5 hours away in Chester TX.
DeleteOh goodness I was off abut, it almost 4 hours! Everything is bigger in Texas, LOL.
DeleteVery good points. I've always told people to go ahead and cry. They think it's a bad thing, while I believe things will get bad if you don't cry. It's a body's way of releasing.
ReplyDeleteFor awhile, I though it was a problem to be crying so much, but then it eased up a bit. Crying is a sign that you are processing your emotions. Even so, I find it ebbs and flows. Seems normal now.
DeleteThank you for sharing these kind reminders. Paying attention to our feelings, focusing on what we can change, and taking care of ourselves really help, even on the tough days.
ReplyDeleteAll part of self care, right? (:
DeleteThese are such good tips. I'm sorry for everything you are going through. If we were neighbors, I would love to get together with you. I'm married, but I'm still alone a lot because my husband works a lot.
ReplyDeleteThank you - I appreciate this kind comment. I was lonely sometimes, too, even when Mark was here, so I get it.
DeleteThank you, Amy. Sometimes I was lonely as a married person, too. I think its just a universal thing that we all experience.
Delete"Admittedly, this all sounds easier than it actually is." It certainly is...but so many good tips/ plans/ thoughts to help people through the those triggering days...as if a random Tuesday isn't sometimes triggering enough. ❤️
ReplyDeleteThat's the truth!
DeleteReally excellent reminders especially being grateful. That's a hard one sometimes.
ReplyDeleteYes - you have to dig a little harder when going thru a rough patch. Very challenging!
Delete