A time we got along really well*

Mark's 63rd birthday would have been this coming Wednesday.

The very last weekend that we had together was a good one.  We visited a brewery and Italian restaurant in Llano, as well as a winery, then a tasting room, in Mason. At Highlands, I fixed us a simple dinner to enjoy by the firepit.  I remember staying up much later than Mark did.

He was so tired, recovering from a heart attack, but we didn't know that.

our hill, at sundown

On Sunday, Mark slept in until about 9 a.m. while I had gotten up earlier - around 7 a.m.  I made a pot of coffee, then sat on one of the patio chairs to keep an eye and ear out for passing wildlife - geese overhead, deer walking through, and the sounds of the cows mooing on the ranch next door.  He would have said "oh, you're just going to let me sleep the morning away?" as he always did.  I would have gotten him a cup of coffee and started making breakfast. 

I spy a cow

 Until noon we worked on various projects, just putseying around. Mark installed some nice stereo speakers on the outside of the Winnebago, then sat in his chair in the sun, listening to music.  Come up here, I said to him, motioning to the front of the barn.  I knew he hadn't been feeling well and I just wanted him to relax in the shade.  I opened his favorite wine (Lime in the Coconut!) and we sat in chairs facing each other, listening to music and chatting about anything and everything for a couple of hours. It was so comfortable - like two old friends and each others' favorite companion.  In the late afternoon we took a nap, then woke around 6 p.m, loaded up the RV, and headed home.  I remember thinking that we were really connecting, and I swore to myself that the NEXT weekend, we were just going to relax.  No projects, no travel, just time in our chairs in the sun on our hill, soaking up the last bit of summer, together.   

And then the unthinkable happened.

I miss talking with him, most of all. Catching up on our day or week, swapping stories about our jobs and people we knew, discussing the kids, making plans for Highlands and the future.  And I'm thankful that as that work week wore on, with all of its frustrations and stress, we'd had Sunday together, enjoying each others' company.

*I am following a series of prompts for a few posts

A memory that makes me laugh*

 Full disclosure: this is one of those mean yet actually harmless sibling stories that I have laughed about throughout the years, almost to the point of not being able to re-tell it.  In fact, I just snort-laughed, reliving it in my mind!  It will never not make me laugh. I'm sure my sister did not find it amusing in the least.

I can hear my mother now calling me a "bad ole girl"

Years ago, when we lived in Galveston, we were in a house that had a couple of rooms which shared a closet that connected them. (mostly the cat's favorite place to go and pee on shoes)  So you could sneak from one room to the next, deviling each other, as my mother would say.  On one such occasion, I hid in my 15 year old sister's side of the closet, having sneaked in via my mother's room.  My unsuspecting 12 year old brother was in the living room that was just adjacent, watching TV.  I'm sure my mother was at work with the three of us home unattended.  This house had a tiny bathroom for the four of us to share and it was located on the other side of the house from the bedrooms - in fact just outside of the kitchen, which was a dumb place to put a bathroom.  It was so small that after a bath or shower we would wrap ourselves in a towel to return to our room to get dressed.  

This is a crucial detail in my story.

So there I was, lying in wait for her, in the dark closet of her room, with the door barely open a crack.

{This is hard to type as I have to pause and laugh every so often...hold please}

As she entered the room, clutching the towel wrapped around her, another towel wrapped turban style on her head, carrying a cup of coffee, I let out this insanely terrible schlurping noise, scaring the absolute shit out of her.  It was the first time in my life I had ever made that sound - I don't even know where it came from.  She threw the full cup of coffee into the air where it rained down on her newly clean self, dropped her towels, and ran screaming into the living room in her birthday suit with wild wet hair in her face where my brother sat gaping at her, wide-eyed. I literally fell out of the closet laughing so hard I could not breathe and couldn't speak for some time.

In no way did I feel remorse or regret for doing this to her, and probably did not even help her recover her dignity or clean up the spilled coffee.  And I'm sure she was merely trying to get ready for an after school job.  This possibly explains why my sister does not think I am funny.

In fact, she has spent the rest of her life making sure I understand the phrase "paybacks are hell".

Ha ha.

*I am following a series of prompts for a few posts

Happy things for January 2024

Its time for the monthly focus on my blessings, not my troubles.  

Less beer, but not no beer

*The year ended on a calm and quiet note and my family had a good Christmas.  I stayed well within my budget and plans and I think that set a positive example for my adult kids.  As one of them stated, (Christmas) "doesn't have to be exactly the same every year", which tells me that they understand the need for holidays to evolve for us as a family.  Another lightbulb moment for me!

*The tile job is finished.

*Grayson is no longer commuting to San Marcos in the Baja, and for now he is done with school.

*I survived my two week bout with RSV and am feeling better.  I have started back on my walking.  Health-wise, I am doing my best at making healthy choices, which also includes far less drinking.

*I have already started on the yearly purging and cleaning and organizing of the spaces in my home  and I have a plan for moving forward with projects and that gives me such a feeling of accomplishment and control!  I'm going to enlist the boys' help more often as well.

That's not a bad list of happy things for January!

If I could tell him about my year, what would I say?*

 Dear Mark,

     Here is a quick month-by-month rundown of what 2023 looked like for me.

I wish I knew how this whole "swimming through grief" thing is done.

January - Made a nice meal which none of our kids showed up to, met Deb for a beer, paid Texas State, had a bout of gastritis, got a mammo, celebrated Spencer's birthday, dropped off my car for major repair, took a week off for a big ice storm that damaged our trees, cried and drank, thought about you on your birthday, as always.

February - Called my mother on the regular, took fallen limbs to the curb, paid Texas State, picked Deb up for a wine club pick-up, took a load of crap to Goodwill, cleaned at mom's, cried, worked on my back yard, saw the dentist, went to Highlands, let Dylan move back home.

March - Called Mother on her birthday, had ATT come out due to squirrel chewing, replaced the water filters, had an asthma attack for the first time in my life, ordered curtain rods, paid Texas State, put new tires on the truck, bought Mom a rosebush and made her a pie, got an oil change, had a well-woman visit, met new friends at Circle Brewing, cried, posted your eulogy on this blog, cleaned the garage again, saw a dermatologist.

April - did more yard work, paid Texas State, checked on Highlands, met a friend and her mother for a beer on Easter, had my last day at DCMC during a stressful week at work, cried, started at the new hospital, put out bulky trash for collection,  cancelled the wine club, got a haircut, ate lunch out with my new team, cleaned out my kitchen cabinets, donated more crap, started working weekends.

May - mulched the front landscaping, picked up wines at Perissos, started taking call every Wednesday, cleaned my oven, Mom had a breast biopsy and repeat mammo (its cancer), paid Texas State, took yet another load of crap to Goodwill,  cried, threw out all of your shoe polish, steam cleaned the carpets, refinished the kitchen cabinets, called the handyman for Highlands, worked Memorial Day, had an eye exam, was forgotten on Mother's Day.

June - refinished the coffee tables, started weekly mowing and edging, cried, cleaned out two gutters, shredded a bunch of paperwork, sent money to Grayson, tried to fix the ceiling fans, called the tile guy, went to Highlands with Dylan to oversee pipe repair by a really weird handyman, found a realtor to list Highlands, scrubbed and sealed the deck, saw my mother, paid the trailer tags, sold Highlands/canoe/trailer, got my labs drawn, replaced my landscape lights, took extra call, got Mom's echo results, got in trouble for not group texting on Father's Day.

July -  worked July 4th, Mom had a mastectomy, painted the backdoor, met with financial advisor at credit union, failed at finding a new counselor for me, met a friend for a beer, picked up some important documents in downtown Austin, sold your guitars, really cried, closed on Highlands, bought tires for my car, Mom had a stroke and fell - visited her in the ICU, brought Grayson home from Texas State, hospice arranged for Mom.

August - Visited mom in Bryan hospital several times, took the marine battery to the recycle center, Mom transferred to Caldwell Rehab, drove to Caldwell several times, took the Baja in for repairs, found Grayson drunk and puking in a ziploc at home, started working to manage mom's affairs, got a steroid shot for severe knee pain, organized all the tools, got off the antidepressant, never called out, saw my doctor, send a craft project to a friend, cried, got my roof inspected, got more trees trimmed, changed homeowners and auto insurance, saw the dentist.

September - took paint to the recycle center, had more routine maintenance on my car,  visited Mom at Melissa's house a couple times a week, worked on finding a nursing home, had Home Depot come measure the floors, euthanized Gus, cleaned Mom's house and gathered up her mail, put more bulky trash out, met with mom's financial advisor, spent hours at Wells Fargo, spent hours at Chase, put new tires on the Baja, initiated a long term care policy claim for mom, celebrated Chloe's birthday, got a refund check from the first nursing home and found a more suitable place, so much crying, went to Brenham again to check mail and set up timers, tile guy delivered tile, stressful move of Mom to Spanish Oaks where she then died a few hours later.

October - planned a funeral, wrote an obit and arranged it to be published, tried to help Spencer re-home his cats which didn't pan out, took Dylan and Chloe with me to abovementioned funeral, got a haircut, noticed the fridge is leaking, guest bathroom tile job was begun, found Grayson passed out in his room, cried and panicked, painted and purged my office, got rid of the wine fridge and about a dozen wine glasses, celebrated Dylan's birthday, took jewelry in for repair.

November - Took paperwork and files to mom's executor/lawyer, including all of her wet and ruined mail from the post office, got the name of a new therapist I won't follow up on, put a Christmas tree up in my bedroom, noticed the fence is falling and called a fence company for a quote, got the tile job done in my bathroom, made cinnamon dough for ornament tags, cried, got my air ducts cleaned, had the switch replaced in the boy bathroom, replaced the shower stall splash guard, got TxTag to cancel your account, took a beginner Tai Chi class, took myself to a movie, cleaned the house/cooked all of the food/hosted Thanksgiving after working a 6 hour shift, decorated the Christmas tree with Dylan, cried a lot, thrift shopped and found a dress for Christmas Eve.  Made my New Year's resolutions early.

December - Battled a 2 week respiratory illness, took more things to Goodwill, haggled with T-Mobile over my bill, got a contact number for the hospital chaplain, got Harry's diamond cufflinks turned into earrings (Merry Christmas to me), changed the air filters, put together all of Christmas gifts, decided not to send out cards, decorated the house, cried, didn't drink as much, paid the 6 months due tags on the Baja, found another of your knives to give Grayson for his birthday, got rid of most of the firewood, made fudge, participated in Secret Santa at work, attended church virtually on Christmas Eve, hosted the kids for Christmas Day, celebrated Grayson's birthday, un-decorated/cleaned/organized the week after Christmas, finally got Grayson to tell me he didn't pass his last class, moved some furniture around, took Christmas down, watched Netflix and read, and will work the entire weekend of New Year's.

Hopefully this recap will look far different in 2024.

*I'm following a series of prompts for a few posts.

Happy things for December 2023

My December home is sanctuary. 

Peaceful, quiet, beautiful, relaxed.  Just what I want to feel.

*In November, I gave all of Mom's papers and mail to the attorney and now I am doing no more than the other three heirs in regards to her estate.

*Some random home repairs are off my list: the fan switch in the boys' bathroom, the dryer vent was cleaned for the first time in years, and the tile job is finished.  Three things off my Rustown list.

*I was done with Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving and stayed within a very reasonable budget.  

*I'm off work Christmas Day, and if the weather allows I will take a nice long walk, eat a delish meal, read for a bit, and relax with a nap!  And I am looking forward to working my regular shift on New Year's Day as a send-off to the '23 holiday season. 

*Grayson will be done commuting to San Marcos.

*My nails are back to growing and look great.  I got some jewelry repairs done and am enjoying said jewelry.  I started up walking again.  And health-wise, everything is on an even keel for me right now.

All is calm.  All is bright.

One thing I want to remember about Mark and Mom*

 Mom

     She had such strength.  She may have cried and felt immense sadness, but she always managed to "pull her socks up" (her words) and get on with the business of life with great dignity.  As a single working mom, she set such a strong example for me and I try every day to think of that as I navigate this whole messy grief life.  She felt her losses deeply, but managed to create a life for herself just the same.  And she forever loved and missed Jim, but carried on bravely with faith.  She was a powerful force in my life.

Mark

     His love for me was true, steadfast, and strong.  He often said he never stopped loving me, even when I was un-loveable.  He may have been cross with me at times, but it never changed how he felt about me deep down inside, and I knew that. I hope I was able to express to him how much he meant to me, too.

The best things about two of the best people, who I miss deeply.

*I'm following a series of prompts for a few posts.

Mom

 Oh, this makes me sad to post.

But its been 2 weeks so here goes.

Jeannette Ogden Parry 3/01/1930 – 9/28/2023

Jeannette Parry of Brenham Texas passed peacefully on September 28, 2023.

Born during The Great Depression, Jeannette, the daughter of Malcolm Ogden and Beatrice Pledger lived a simple, yet idyllic childhood spent roaming the woods and springs of rural East Texas with her brother Robert and cousin Charles, who both preceded her in death.. She graduated high school at age 16 in Coldsprings, Texas and as a young mother of three enrolled in XRay school at Herman Memorial Hospital. This set the stage for a lifetime of work in the medical field of Imaging. In the late 70's she increased her knowledge and training and was the first Ultrasound Technologist at John Sealy Hospital at UTMB in Galveston and served as Chief Technologist, living the example to her children of the importance of an education and training. She worked all over the United States and two hospitals in Saudi Arabia. She was an expert at anything she put her mind to: quilting, crochet, embroidery, cooking, raising chickens, gardening, traveling. She had a zest for life and an indomitable spirit.

Jeannette was married four times and had eight children – 6 girls and two boys: Jeannette, Sherry, Alene, Margaret, Kenneth (deceased), Gina, Melissa, and Kurt. She recently expressed how happy she was to have been a mother. In addition she had 23 grandchildren, 11 great grandchildren, and four great great grandchildren. She created a legacy of love and resilience in the face of adversity and was a force to be reckoned with. She was predeceased in death by all of her husbands, her son Kenneth, and her beloved companion Gus. Through it all, she never lost her faith or her strength of character. Good job, Mom - you were a courageous and strong woman who set an example for all of us. We look forward with great joy to being with you again someday. 

Some bright morning when this life is over
I'll fly away
To that home on God's celestial shore
I'll fly away
I'll fly away oh glory
I'll fly away in the morning
When I die hallelujah by and by
I'll fly away

I just want to add, that I may have put a kinder touch to things or made it seem like a peaceful passing.  But the last two months were traumatic and stressful for my sisters and myself.  How much Mom understood was happening is unclear.  There was a sense that she was trapped in a body and brain that did a slow job of dying. Since none of us knew exactly what to expect, what we should do, nor how to do it, grief started up almost immediately.  And because of the way my mother arranged her affairs, it will be months before we can finalize them and move on.

So, an 8 month timeline for my mother's mastectomy, stroke, fall, hospitalization, decline, death, burial, will probate, and disposition of property.  Cue grief.