Paradoxical gratitude

par·a·dox·i·cal

ˌperəˈdäksək(ə)l/

adjective

adjective: paradoxical:

                                                seemingly absurd or self-contradictory.

So, the counseling lady challenged me when I said that I wanted to put this whole knee incident behind me and forget the last five months.  Is that really true, Gina?  Do you really want to forget five months of your life?  No one would argue that having a knee problem was something that I didn't want to have, but isn't it true that there are other things that came about because of it that might have been beneficial?  Yes, it turns out there are!

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*My knee got fixed.  I had awesome insurance that paid for it.

*I had Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's with my family in our comfy home with lots of laughter and good food.  I missed most of respiratory season at work so I didn't get so much as a sniffle.

*I got a mental health break and was able to see work in a different light.  I really like what I do, and a lot of the people there, and interacting with other adults enriches me and makes me less introverted.

*A friend from work came to see me at home and made my birthday very special. Another friend brought me a lunch.  My sister came to my house for the first time in months and months.  People texted and called.  That was nice.

*I learned that I don't have to be Super Woman - and my family has had to do more for themselves, and rose to the challenge.

*I learned that Mark really loves me and will stick with me through ugly stuff, not just the happy stuff.

*I got to participate in jury duty which although stressful, was informative.  And,  I got to meet people from other walks of life and get to know them in a short period of time.  Plus, I got paid for it!

*Mark and I went out on at least four Sunday dates and on two of them our next door neighbors came - it was such fun!

*I caught up on reading and rest - two things that I had not had the time for when this all went down.  And, I got paid disability which lessened the financial burden of having been home for five months.

*I had the time and energy to to tell my sister and mother how I feel about things.  Turns out, it was a weight off me that felt GREAT.  I feel empowered to continue keeping it 'real' and say what I am feeling and call people out on their crap.

I've been through a lot the past few months. I'm not a fan of on-going pain.  I don't like sitting still for long.  I love to work and get out in the world, and I want to feel that I am in control of my health and my life.  In addition to the the pain, fear, and depression, I was forced to examine all kinds of truths about myself, and life in general. And I survived.

I want to leave this experience in the past, but be able to say that it wasn't all for naught.  If I ever have to do something like it again, I will be better at it.  So, for learning?  I'm grateful.