I am in a high school that looks very grungy, industrial. Its all shades of grey and black - very dark. I am meant to be parking in the underground garage to pick up Spencer and there are dark figures milling around in there. I don't feel particularly safe, but I am not leaving without him. A couple of them try to engage me - but I somehow brush them off and proceed up some concrete stairs until I reach a room where Spencer is sleeping in a bunk. It looks like a prison. There are a couple of other boys asleep in the room, too. I wake him up feeling panicky that I wasn't there right when school let out. Why is he asleep? How long has he been waiting for me? He is groggy, but gets up to go. We have to find our way back down to the parking garage and locate my car. I am ignoring sketchy people all the way down the stairwell to find my car. The dream ends before we find the car, but I felt determined, like I had the situation, bleak as it was, well in hand. When I woke from this dream, it made me feel very sad = had I let him down? Spencer looked so young and lost. Though I felt like I had to keep going until I found him and brought him out of that place, I wasn't sure that I was going to be successful at it. I just knew I couldn't give up.
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Just typing out this dream makes me feel like crying. Spencer came over for Mother's Day dinner last night and I thought that he looked good - so young. He's making his way through life as a young adult and I hope he is happy. I guess I still have worries and concerns over whether or not I did a good job as his mom - I felt very unsure of myself at times but I was determined to stay the course for him and do my best.
I can so relate to your feeling like crying upon awakening. Honestly, though, I don't think that our dream are meant to judge us, just to try to light a path. Don't ever beat yourself up over a dream.
ReplyDeleteI so seldom dream anymore..or else, if I DO dream, I can never remember them. I've never put much stock in the idea that our dreams mean any thing...I think when our minds relax as in sleeping, our dreams are just willy-nilly going here and there.
ReplyDeleteand, I think we all wonder if we've done a good job in raising our kids. We try to teach our kids right from wrong, to be honest and trustworthy, above all to love God...it's up to us parents, I think, to get our kids on the right track...then, in the end, it is their responsibility to not stray far from their raising.