Still his mom

I don't worry that my son will read this post as he seems to be disconnected from us all right now.  He might answer me a few days after I send a text, and then I will notice that he is posting on Insta fairly often.  He recently posted about feeling stupid for being so sensitive all of his life, buried in his insecurities in high school, hidden in his hoodie, listening to music rather than interact.  But he was so kind and friendly as a kid! Then he finished by saying that his gf had been supportive and helpful to him and really helped him understand himself.  I have been telling him for months to text or call me anytime and that we am here for him.  My thought is that maybe the job change/pandemic/election situation has  been hard for him to cope with but he is using it to distance himself from his family.

I really just don't know what to say.  I think all young adults go through a time of self-discovery, and possibly they want to lay blame on their upbringing, and credit on their significant others.  And granted, this pandemic has really fucked with the minds of a lot of people. But I can tell you he was never ever without a clean home, clean clothes, soft and cozy bed. 

And a family who loves him.

He turns 25 today.  I miss him so much it hurts sometimes.  He is my sweet and beautiful child and he always will be.  And my hope is that, one day, he will move forward in his life and not let excuses hold him back.  And also remember that we are still here for him.