Things I forgive Mark and myself for*

Well, pretty much everything.

Mark and I did not live the charmed life, weren't perfect parents, and were often disconnected as spouses.  We argued about basic things and had a hard time apologizing.  We each had our own agenda, and that caused us to often not be on the same page. He was a borderline hoarder, socially outgoing and likeable, super involved with his children.  I was organized and detail focused, worked hard at balancing home, my job, and child rearing, and was sometimes introverted.

Over the years we disagreed about sex, money, and the kids. We had differing views on what retirement might look like.

In other words, we were human.

I've had to remind myself not to place Mark on some kind of pedestal.  But, he was a truly good person, who loved me only a little less than my own mother did.  I don't regret one minute of my life spent with him, and I hope he would have said the same about me.  We didn't have a perfect marriage, but honestly, who does?  And what even constitutes that?  We made a life together that produced a beautiful family and we had some very good times mixed in.  And we had real love.

Whenever I beat myself up about what I could have or should have said or done, I remind myself that forgiveness works both ways.  I'm sure he would feel the same if he were here, looking back on our life together.

*I am following a series of prompts for a few posts