A dream about this:
an actual photo of the garage from back in the day
A dream with many small vignettes, but the biggest was this: I am in the garage, straightening it out. There is once more a lot of chaos; things that need to be sorted/organized/made room for. I work a small area, making ground, and someone comes behind me and hangs a striped blanket up near what I was tidying. It feels rough like wool, and the stripes are large and wavy in green, blue, orange, black. What is this? Where did this come from? It becomes known to me that its something for camping. As I am cleaning and straightening, Mark is adding more stuff. I look out of the garage and see a large junky vehicle like a van and ask what is that? Mark answers me with a word I don't know. "Don-something". That's not staying here, right? It will take up the whole driveway. Yes, it is, he says. I immediately start yelling "NOOOOOO" and sink to my knees. All that effort in trying to get a handle on the mess and straighten, and he gets to do whatever he wants and add more junk. The dreams ends and I get up for the day.
******
I never had any say in how we managed anything out here. If I spent hours sweeping and organizing it, tossing trash, organizing equipment after campouts, making space for whatever crap Mark decided to bring home, and making room for the kids to park their bikes and scooters, he would downplay it or get angry that it was a problem for me. And it always took me hours - it was sweaty dusty heavy work. And he was never OK with helping. I never felt like this space was mine too, even though I had to work so hard on it and help pay for it. I still have so much anger about it. The state of the garage mirrors how I felt about my married life.
I had to go out to the garage and take a couple of photos of what it actually looks like now:
Mostly so I could reassure myself. I know what and where everything is out here. There are spaces to walk. There is order. Everything is manageable.
And no one can tell me shit about it.
I could still get rid of some things - I probably will. But never again will I feel that I have no control or peace in my own home, smothered by literal stacks and piles of things and having no say in it.
My gosh Gina, were our husbands born with the same mind? It took a huge dumpster and four of us sorting to clear enough from the garage to get a car parked. Then, a hired shredding company to get 33 boxes of old personal and business records stored (some moved from the house to garage by me) and more jostling to get room for a second car in an extra large two car garage. I loved my husband very much but his hoarding and lack of organization seaped into every corner of our house and I'm still dealing with it. Plus, the chaos meant basic maintenance was often avoided and again, little by little I'm tackling. I refuse to leave this chaos to my kids.
ReplyDeleteIt took me a month of sitting out in the garage with a giant pile of files, a tooty little shredder, bags and bags of recycle shreds. Shredding, crying, and drinking wine. I was so angry. That was only a small part of the chaos. It has taken me the better part of four years to feel like I have a handle on everything.
DeleteI think you both are very strong and brave. Kudos for moving forward.
DeleteMy sentiments exactly...❤️
DeleteThis was so good for me to read. I know my clutter bothers my husband, but he hardly ever says anything. Oddly, drawers, closets, cupboards...things behind closed doors...I usually keep very organized and neat. It's the visible horizontal surfaces I struggle with. I must do better, and this was such a good reminder of the inner turmoil that our (my) habits can bring to others.
ReplyDeleteWow! Your garage is very organized. I happen to enjoy organizing but DH does not so I organize in the house and try to avoid looking in his shop.
ReplyDeleteWhat a transformation! It must feel so good and calming to see it now!
ReplyDelete