Looks like I'm on a roll with blog posts. Who knew I had so much to say?
(pretty much everyone, Gina)
Instead of a "happy things" post I made a list of how life has improved for me over the last four years. I bet few widows can process that while they are in the throes of grieving. It has certainly taken me awhile to realize it for myself. But there are some things that I can say are better in 2025:
*My home is no longer stuffed and cluttered with crap I don't want or use. This includes the outside spaces, too. I have done much work on it. Sadly, Mark was waiting on putting the house on the market and had lost interest in spiffing it up for us.
*I don't have a hangover every Monday from drinking all weekend. And I don't feel resentful that the weekend actually created more work for me to catch up on before Monday began. I don't have the added burden of taking care of planning/cleaning/organizing/food prep/laundry from weekends at Highlands.
*I decide what to cook and what time to eat. My grocery list is shorter, so it's faster and easier to shop.
*My chore list is much smaller. I do laundry for me only, and I don't iron for anyone. I'm not changing sheets on two beds. The house pretty much stays neat and clean, without stacks of things sitting there waiting to be dealt with. The kitchen stays clean.
*I am no longer exhausted daily because I only answer to myself and I make sure I have time to rest. I realize that I have limits and I am OK saying no to things that zap my peace and energy.
Are there drawbacks to this level of independence? No one is coming to rescue me, so I have to do those things for myself, anyway. The "empty nest" thing is real, though.
A lot of times I am worried about a particular home repair, or how I will manage a health issue in the future, loneliness of course, and managing my money. But I am doing my best to live in the present moment and enjoy my life, making the smartest choices I can.
I didn't choose this life, it chose me.
Is it that way for most widows, I wonder?
Your next to last line about doing your best to live in the present ... is a great approach and reminder for many of us.
ReplyDeleteIf I think too hard about the future, it worries me somewhat. The only thing I can do right now is live my life right now.
DeleteI admire that you can appreciate the things that are different as better in your life. I can attest to the clutter being much better, though I've more to do that could fill years worth of weekends. Still, I can't say at all things are better but they are up to me.
ReplyDeleteI always say that although I love my closet now, without all the clutter and stuffed shelves and rods, I would rather have Mark back. But since I can't have him back, I'm going to enjoy all of my home spaces to the fullest.
DeleteLovely post, Gina, and doing our best to live in the moment...is the best thing we can do! Thank you so much for sharing, you are an inspiration.
ReplyDeleteThank you, that's kind. Just trying to keep my head up and keeeep going!
DeleteGina, I've always loved reading your posts because you're so honest and real. Your perspective and the way you've navigated through your new reality is truly inspiring. I know tons of people, myself included, who have handled challenges much smaller, with a lot less grace and resilience. Thank you for sharing...I believe you've touched more people than your realize.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kim. I used to crumble at the smallest things . I think it was because Life seemed scarier back then. Nowadays I think "throw it at me" . No sense in being afraid.
DeleteIt is so good to focus on how things have improved for you over the last 4 years. You should be very proud of yourself!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteYou are brave. I think I'm afraid to admit what is better, because it would sound like I'm glad he's not here. However, you are right about cooking and even if I do it, especially when I don't feel well or have the strength. The biggest thing for me is the amount of money I'm saving, but that's really a sad plus. That means we aren't traveling, eating out or he's coming over here eating good food together he made most of the time. I have nothing really to spend the money on, so what good is the fact I'm saving more money?
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comments on my blog. The last one was especially insightful.
The list of pros never outweigh the cons, right? Its Ok to acknowledge what's better. We didn't choose this for ourselves, after all.
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