Sometimes I scroll through old text messages between me and Mark, especially when I am really missing him and longing to have a conversation with him. Occasionally when he was at work, I would call him - he didn't seem to mind it. He was always the first person I thought of when I wanted to talk to someone. I would call him the minute I left Mom's house and he would help ground me in my own safe and loved bubble of reality. (visiting mom could do a number on me)
But I feel like we really didn't get enough talking time.
I bet every widow feels that.
cheers!
The last text messages we exchanged will live in my phone forever. They are proof of life. We would talk about what the weekend's weather was going to be like as we made our plans. Or talk about our lunch that day. Around the time of Covid, he would text me about when and where he was getting the first shot, then the second, then "when are you getting your jab?" He was worried about it. I would remind him to turn the crockpot to warm, or tell him I was picking up take-out because I didn't feel like cooking dinner. To ask him what he thought about me taking on over-time hours at work, or remind him that I was on call this weekend. To let him know I was running late because of traffic. And the very last two texts were me asking him if we could go somewhere to drink a beer instead of staying in that Friday evening. He never replied. I sent the text at 4:48 p.m., less than an hour before he would die suddenly of a massive heart attack.
Sometimes I imagine his response.
"yeah, I'm down with that. Dinner at Rancho? Whataburger? you call it."
I'm going to top off the grass, get a shower, then I'll be ready to boogie!"
"see you when you get here, girlfriend!"
Oh, Gina! I will need to read some of your archives. I am so sorry about your husband. When my mom died, I had a couple of voicemails. This was several years ago, and it was on our land line. I called the phone company to see if they could send it to me on my cell phone. Unfortunately, they couldn't. I really wish I had it because it was such a nice voicemail. Hugs to you on these lonely and missing your husband day.
ReplyDeletehttps://marshainthemiddle.com/
Thank you, Marsha. (:
DeleteI had several message from my mom on my old answering machine, and I can still hear them: "Gina, this is your mother..." Makes me smile just replaying it in my head.
I'm really glad you have those messages to look back and have memories with your husband. And, what a testament to your marriage that he is the first person you wanted to share news with, or who could build you up after difficult family time. Big hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteThank you - I miss him for so many reasons, including that he was there for me every day.
DeleteI understand 100%. Hugs
ReplyDeleteSometimes I wonder what he would have thought about how sentimental I am over such things!
DeleteSending you love and hugs 💗
ReplyDeleteThank you (:
DeleteCherished memories for sure...sending you hugs, my friend.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kim (:
DeleteAt the age that I and my husband are I'm quite aware that any message, any good night kiss, you name it, it could be the last. Mark died so suddenly and so young. I doubt those kind of thoughts came to you. I cannot imagine how you coped. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteHis last words to me were "have a good day!" and I can still hear them in my head. I get what you are saying - I'm glad I didn't know those would be the last words I heard.
DeleteI feel such pain in that post but yet, I feel love and closeness and so many emotions that you two shared. Giving them up is just the most painful thing ever. Hugs to you...
ReplyDelete