Hopeful

These two make a cute couple and they seem to enjoy each others' company:

So I'm hopeful that
they can stay friends through whatever comes their way
that the happiness they feel today lasts a long time
that they can both see the bigger picture in life
that she can accept his faults and shortcomings, and that he will do the same for her
that her daughter will always be a priority in her life and he will respect and nurture that
and that I can stay out of their bizness and just enjoy seeing them whenever I can

 P.S.  Who knew that being a parent wouldn't get easier as your kids grew older?  What other job is there in the world that pays in happiness and worry and tears, and is constantly changing?  

And lasts literally, forever. 

Doing something new

A couple of months ago I got a wild hair after reading a blog post from one of my favorite wine websites, Texas Wine Lover. 

Infinite Monkey Theorem

Since Mark and I love to explore what's new in wineries all around us, could I maybe write a post or two for them, I wondered?  I wasn't looking for a job, just a fun way to channel some of that energy I am no longer spending on raising kids.

Red Wing Dove

So I sent the editor an email that said "do you ever let people write random posts for your blog?"  And he said  "Thanks for the email. I am always looking for good writers. It sounds like you two love traveling and visiting new wineries like us! Do you have any examples of your previous writing?"  So I sent some links to some places Mark and I went where we had fun.

Wedding Oak Winery

Then he said: 

"I pay $35 for a general blog post and $40 if it's about a winery we haven't written about yet. If I ever get to the point of breaking even with the website and even a profit, those amounts will go up. The perks are nice though when visiting wineries and you flash your TWL business card."

I see you've been a subscriber for a year now, so you probably have a good feel about how we write. Let me take a look at some of your writing and get a few other opinions too. If you decide now you're not interested, then please let me know that too. Cheers!"

Three Dudes Winery

I visited the first winery he asked me to, wrote about it, and he published it.  Then he did that four more times.  I am surely green as a bean at this reporting gig, but I think, "well, why can't I learn this something new?"  And he has shown faith in me which is no small thing, so I am determined to give it my best.  Today marks two months since that first email and he has sent me business cards and added me to the website.https://txwinelover.com/about/meet-our-team/

Augusta Vin

So I get to write about something I love: Texas wines.  Each time, I am learning a little bit more about what the website is looking for, what facts are important in the articles, and getting a little bit more excited about the possibility of WRITING, my thoughts, my ideas, my experiences, all for someone else to read.  And also getting to do something FUN.  I'm pretty happy about the possibilities of learning and doing this something new.

 

Now what?

My mother is getting on in age - 89 this year - and while we're concerned about her physical limitations sometimes, its her mental disposition that has me worried lately.  Recently I visited her, and I wasn't in the door 5 minutes before she told me to come into the living room so she could talk to me.  To make a long story short, she laid into me.  She said I yelled at her in a previous phone conversation, called her a "bore" and said I told her "I was sick of hearing" about her eye troubles. When I told her I did not say those things, she said I was either a liar or losing more than my hearing.  She said she was "quoting me" which could not have been so.  When I reminded her of the facts  - phone calls, letters, taking her for errands, bringing her lunch, cleaning, bringing her things she needs - she sneered and said "Oh yes, you are the perfect mother".  She had a lot of negatives to say about my sister Alene, too.  She told me she's been having bad dreams - could she have dreamt I said something?

I had spoken to her a couple of times that week and she seemed perfectly reasonable.  She was insistent that I had done wrong.  So I told her I would fix her a good lunch, then leave. The rest of the "visit" was awkward.  She asked me if I wanted to "come look at this quilt you're not interested in" - again, something I never said.  It was hard to turn the other cheek, but I did the best I could.  She wouldn't allow me to clean or do anything to help her around the house or take her anywhere, so after lunch I hugged her and said goodbye.  Then I went directly to meet my friend Carol at Saddlehorn a little earlier than we had planned. I'm not sure what the next step is in ensuring she has safe and happy golden years.  Now I am a little more worried about the possibility that she has some dementia.  What to do? 

A List for Parents of Things to Do

Mark about drove me to say bad words this morning as he arranged a "conference call" to a person he didn't even know at the A&M admissions office.  Without some sort of agenda for the call, it was an exercise in futility.  I get that he wants to help expedite a process, but seriously.

I think that we have to go about this the right way.  And I would much rather coach Grayson on what questions to ask rather than just take over.  Plus, if you're going to include me, which he did, maybe get my input?  Gray has had a rough week and I want him to have time to process what is going on in his personal life and get his wits about him so he can move forward.  We need to sit down and help him make a plan, not take over!.

Dream feelings #6

I am in a high school that looks very grungy, industrial.  Its all shades of grey and black - very dark.  I am meant to be parking in the underground garage to pick up Spencer and there are dark figures milling around in there.  I don't feel particularly safe, but I am not leaving without him.  A couple of them try to engage me - but I somehow brush them off and proceed up some concrete stairs until I reach a room where Spencer is sleeping in a bunk.  It looks like a prison.  There are a couple of other boys asleep in the room, too.  I wake him up feeling panicky that I wasn't there right when school let out.  Why is he asleep?  How long has he been waiting for me?  He is groggy, but gets up to go.  We have to find our way back down to the parking garage and locate my car.  I am ignoring sketchy people all the way down the stairwell to find my car.   The dream ends before we find the car, but I felt determined, like I had the situation, bleak as it was, well in hand.  When I woke from this dream, it made me feel very sad = had I let him down?  Spencer looked so young and lost.  Though I felt like I had to keep going until I found him and brought him out of that place,  I wasn't sure that I was going to be successful at it.  I just knew I couldn't give up.

Dream feelings #5

We are living in a big barndominium that has walls that do not connect with the ceiling, and I know we share the roof with another family on the other side of the wall.  Its only Grayson and I at home and I am trying to put him to bed for the night.  I hear voices in his room and discover there is another child there, one that I do not recognize, playing with Gray. They have these small cello-wrapped packages of small gadgets that look electronic, almost alien.  I cannot figure out what they are.  Happy Meal or Cracker Jacks toys?  I tell the other child he must go, its Gray's bedtime.  I must have ushered the kid to the front door because on the other side of the wall nearby I hear people laughing and talking.  I loudly shush them and they hush.  I return to Gray's room and he is sitting up in bed awake, so I tell him he really has to go to bed now!  I notice his bed is atop a platform that has multiple drawers below it.  In the drawers are not much besides small toys, trash, a sock here and there, none of it clean or organized and I wonder to myself when the last time was that I changed his sheets or cleaned his room.  I am back at the front door where two women who look to be adult mother and younger daughter, are showing me strings of outdoor lights with red bulbs.  They are dressed like straight out of the 80's and have dark hair.  The dream ends.

This dream actually made me teary eyed when I awoke.  I feel kind of torn up about Gray leaving home to go to college, but I know its past time for that to happen. The barndominium - what we plan on building at Highlands.  The gadgets - tied in to Grayson's his engineering plan.  The disorderly room - his current room! (and me trying not to mother him so hard) The dark haired women - me.  The light strings - some we have at Highlands that we replaced the bulbs in on Saturday.

Dream feelings #4

I can't make this post short and sweet 

 

I am holding a fat baby covered in sores - or are they patches of eczema - and wearing a light blue onesie.  I don't recall ever bathing this baby - next time I need to tend to his sores.  We are at a long table with Mark next to me, and a 4 year old Chloe next to him.  There are many other people there and we are all seated at long tables.  I look over my left shoulder and see a large shape I can't quite figure out - its on a window ledge or window seat.  The colors are greens, yellows, browns.  I recognize scales and it starts moving.  I yell to Mark and he yells to everyone that it's an anaconda. It turns into a giant blue and black fish that swims in air.   Everyone is jumping up and screaming.  I am holding the baby who is getting really heavy and a lady rushes up to me, thrusting an old Blackberry out to me telling me to call the daycare right next to us while she goes to get help and warn them.  Why didn't she just take her phone?  I have a hard time remembering the number she is giving me and she repeats it several times.  She says to not press the last number until I am ready to call so I don't use up her minutes.  The last number is a four.  When I do this and call, a former co-worker picks up.  I tell her there is a problem at our daycare (so we are all at some sort of daycare) and that I have a baby by the way, and he sure is heavy.  I am struggling to hold him.  She laughs and says she will come right over.  I look back towards the building as I am standing outside of it and see a bizarre scene.  Everyone is in tattered rags, holding up some sort of animal over their heads with both hands, swaying.  (are those fish?  otters?  seals?)  The place looks post-apocalyptic.  The building are no more than shacks.  The ground is bumpy and covered in weeds.  Everyone is wearing tattered brown clothes.  The sky is a very weird color - everything looks so lifeless but there are so many people.  The dream ends.

Why am I having such vivid dreams?