This is what it looks like

I sent this photo to Chloe one day, just kidding around, really, and she laughed at my stern expression.  But oh my, as my sister says at everything calamitous, it really says more than I thought.

Please pardon the extreme close-up...

I will say this:  its a good thing I wear a mask all day.  It is very hard to smile and say hello to everyone during my day.  I feel like I'm doing good just to be at work most days and do my job.  And I do try to laugh and connect with people and do a lot of positive self-talk. But when I look at my face I realize how much I have aged the past four months.  I pretty much gave up on make-up except for a little mascara.  I promise I am getting plenty of sleep, though the dark circles under my eyes persist.  My hair hasn't yet started to fall out (a common reaction of the body to grief or stress), but I expect that is coming, so yay for wearing scrub hats since I won't have to wash it as often.  I used to place my hand over the bottom half of a person's face in a portrait to see the real expression reflected in their eyes, and when I do that to this picture, it gives me pause.  

Grief is such an ugly thing, not that I was beautiful before.

So, yeah...oh my.