We made it through

My peeps and I made it through our first Christmas without Dad. 

And that sentence right there is hard to type, as it implies, correctly, that every future Christmas will be without him.

bonzai

Did we enjoy the day together?  Yes.  The weather was beautiful, everyone had fun playing Secret Santas, and enjoyed good food.

But did we later in the day self-medicate and get a little sauced then maybe have some mild family drama about feelings?  Also yes.

We also fairly glossed over Grayson's birthday, which I did not intend.  And we made a giant mess of the house, which I spent a couple of hours the next day cleaning, while also feeling my age and wine.  I'm giving us all a pass on it this year, though.  It was no small thing to get through.  My kids have never known a Christmas without their Dad walking through the house ho-ho-ho-ing as the Christmas music was cranked up and the coffee pot gently perked.  I can forgive them for feeling gypped in the midst of all of our wealth and health.  After all, it isn't "stuff" that Christmas is made of.  Not delicious food and treats.  Not a pretty tree and full stockings.

It's family.

One of our own is missing, which makes this a very different Christmas.

And we will continue to get through these "first" times, together.