Christmas is over. Back to our regularly scheduled program...
I am doing my level best to hang in there.
Two of my favorite people!
I hate to whine, so I will keep this brief.
I was calling and writing my mother once a week, and visiting her once a month. But after our last phone call I felt so defeated. What I really wanted was my mother to soothe me and tell me that its going to be OK; tell me she's thinking of me and keeping me in her prayers.
After all, its the first Christmas without Mark.
But that's not how she handles grief. Instead she told me "oh Gina, you have so many OTHER blessings". She counseled me about "being sad" - but Mom, that's not the same thing as depression. She scoffed, then reminded me that I once told her to "bloom where you are planted" and told me maybe I should do the same. It felt unhelpful.
And I just can't deal with her opinions right now on top of everything else.
So I wrote her and told her that because I was still having a rough time, I was just going to continue writing her only. This week I joined a grief support group, last week I had my first talk with a counselor, and I have a handful of people in my life that I can talk to that are supportive, which is HUGE because it means that I can be there for my peeps when they need me.
I've let things go before because I know how she handles things like this.
But this boundary is set.
Thinking of you...xo
ReplyDeleteOh my. I am so sorry to hear about your mom's reaction to your grief.
ReplyDeleteIt is an odd phenomenon: the more you try to rush someone through something hard, the more you seem to gum up the whole works. Not only is empathy the kind thing, it also is usually the most effective. I know that when I have been going through something hard, I end up feeling most hopeful and encouraged when someone says something like, "oh wow. That is a lot to deal with. I'm here with you through it."