I met up with a friend for a beer last week. As always, she was understanding and kind and gave me some good things to think about. It occurred to me afterwards that I never wrote a grief letter to another friend of mine - we have struggled with staying connected through this. In frustration, I blocked her on my phone and then remembered the idea of the letter to express what I felt.
{A grief letter is intended to let someone know how you feel, what you need, and what you wish they would understand as you travel thru grief}
I sent it to her, via snail mail.
And as always, I second-guessed myself. Did the letter seem too harsh and self-centered? Did I consider the stress and helplessness my friend, living far away from me, might have felt? I do feel as though I expressed many times to her what I needed, but she didn't understand, I guess. It was so hard to redirect her, and ultimately it wasn't successful. But I think it is important to be honest with her. Only time will tell if the friendship survives.
I did not suffer the loss of a spouse by death but I did by divorce after 29 yrs together. I had previously helped a close friend through her own divorce after 20+ years. When it was "my turn" she disappeared on me. It has been two years of me calling once a month (I know Pathetic of me) leaving a message with no response before I recently stopped trying. I removed her from my Favorites in my phone also. I ran into her shopping and stopped to say Hi! She never apologized or offered an explanation. She just started talking as if we had not seen each other in two days not two years. I was stunned. I left her shortly thereafter and said "call me or text if you want ". I doubt she "gets" it or me. Do what you feel is right Gina. You said your piece and good for you!
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