Dream feelings #21 - garage overwhelm

This is becoming a recurrent dream theme.

The only reminders of camping or scouts are two shelves in the garage.

Last night, and not for the first time, I dreamed about the garage.  It was a huge area, full of shelving that went up to a 12 foot ceiling, stuffed and disorganized.  I was going around organizing things, then I would notice that Mark was adding random things in, as fast as I was trying to straighten it up.  At one point I looked up at the wall and he had hung two folding lawn chairs and a one piece zippered work suit (you know the ones old men wear? that.) There were things stored so high up we would never be able to access them.  The kids were younger, underfoot, and trying to play in there with Legos and such. There were toys and camping equipment everywhere. I opened the garage door to go around the house to the trash bins and we were on a boat!  A giant boat in the ocean under stormy skies, with people wearing life vests, socializing and playing around near the bow, waves crashing all around like a storm. Like a party!  I thought, oh no, I'm not going out into this, and closed the door.  The dream ended.

A legit nightmare for me, processing all the stress and I have over the state of my home while we were raising our children here.  And the resentment I feel with being left to handle it.

Dream feelings #20 - Widowing and Parenting

 We will call both of these #20 since the first one was so short. And actually both dreams have a link with Grayson.

Dream A:

I am climbing a very rocky mountain, lots of boulders, around and underneath them emits a blue glow. I see the foot of the climber above me step off a large loose rock and I think, "well I can't climb on that and I need to take care of it".  So I get on the opposite side of it and push it off the mountain. I hear it crashing below me and look to see it blocking a river right where it leads into a lake or ocean. Well, that can't be good. Other people stop to notice what I have done.

Just an FYI - I don't rock climb. However, I have been handling issues and problems that come up in a calmer way than I did 5 years ago. Sometimes it feels like an uphill trek on rocky ground. 

I mean I guess he could be a Louie

Dream B:

I enter a house that belongs to an old co-worker/friend - she greets me and we walk into a very large closet where there are fluffy blankets hanging on giant coat hangers, and she hands me either a pink or blue one. I look around the house and notice large windows with a beautiful natural view, the rooms having multi-level floors, lots of people. We chat for a minute then I say I need to find my youngest child, Louie. I walk around looking for him and realize I might not recognize him. I ask someone about him - Spencer? - but he has no information about him. Where could he be? How will I find him? How old is he and when is his birthday? Is he my 5th child? These Q's swirl around in my head as I come across Grayson. Are he and Louie one and the same? I ask him how things are going and he says not great. But he has some news he thinks is good. There is a man seated at a table with no shirt on, sweaty and red. Turns out he is trying to sell Grayson a scheme to make money. I tell the man "so you're a scammer" and I start questioning him. He gets angry. Grayson moves off to the side to talk to this man's associate. But in that moment I know that the deal will fall through.

Make of this what you will, but I think it has to do with the last baby (blue and pink blankets!) growing up and moving into the wider world. I haven't seen him or Spencer in person for months. And I worry about them and the adult choices they make.

Widowing and Parenting - weighing heavy on my mind, I guess.