Not the same old me

I had a revelation last week.  I don't know why it took me so long to "get".  I'd been mourning for the "old Gina" - the one who I felt had her shit together and was smart, capable, loving, and strong.  That Gina would have handled things differently, I felt.  That Gina would have jumped back up from whatever pushed her down.  She would have excelled in PT.  She would have gotten back to work faster.  She would have kicked some butt.

Or, would she have?  It's not like that Gina was ever really challenged in a way that gave her that confidence, its just like she "knew".  Or, rather, that she assumed.  She expected the best.  {And that's not terrible - optimism is a magnet for success.}

Gracious!  What happened to her?!  

Well, she's not here, and the "new Gina" is a little different.  Not better, not worse, just different.  Hopefully she's learned a lot about herself these few months.  And gained a little perspective about so many things.  She can take all of that new knowledge and apply it to who she is right now.  Still the same core person, just a little different in how she sees things.  Relationships, friendships, work, people in general.  And that's a good thing, it's growth.  Why would I be looking for an old version of myself?  I realized, that doesn't make much sense.

So, here's to the new Gina.  She's still smart, capable, loving, and she's getting stronger.  Her health is improving.  Her psyche, too.  She's going to figure out all of this and get back to you...