the turning point

 I've been talking with a counselor every other week now.

And each time we talk, its like someone parts the curtains a little bit more and I can see outside of the window a bit better.  And little by little I feel more hopeful about the future.

And last week I realized I felt stronger.

I think I still have a ways to go, BUT.  It feels like a turning point.

Next week is the meeting with the judge to probate the estate, and I imagine that may feel stressful so there might be tears.  But I feel like something has changed in this grieving process.  I cry less often, I sleep well, I'm able to focus at work, and I have stopped talking out loud to Mark like he's here.  Because he isn't.

I reject the idea that this could last for several years.  I will put in the work to get beyond my grief; it isn't going to define me for the rest of my life.  I will always love and miss Mark, and I know that sometimes (a lot of times) I will feel sad that he isn't here.

But I'm at a turning point in this and I want to keep going!