There have been months on end where I have coccooned myself in my home, or on occasion, Chloe's apartment with Ted in my lap. Seemed like a good idea. Felt safe.
Its not like I never left the house, but lately its been less and less...
I'm thinking that it is working against me. The weekend comes. I make a plan to go somewhere. Overthink it, retreat. Then the spiral starts: get bored, worry, drink, cry, cry some more, do nothing.
It only happens on weekends, but I think it is caused in part by me having such a boring life during the week. I place too much emphasis on weekends, then I lose my focus once the weekend gets here. And my lists of things to do aren't FUN things, so I'm busy. Just not busy living life.
So I decided to switch things up.
I joined two groups on Meetup - one for ladies who like to drink beer and another that is a book club. Not all of the activities happen on the weekend, so I still have time to make my own plans for going and doing by myself for two whole days. But this is a start.
Meet new people, have conversations, maybe a laugh or two. Breathe.
It feels really hard, which tells me I let this go too long.
But I have to start somewhere.
Wow. I think you are really impressive. I don't pretend to imagine what you are going through, but the thought of going through the same gives me anxiety. Wishing you all the best with your 2 new clubs!
ReplyDeleteWeekends have been tough for me too. They were tough a few years back when I went through divorce too. I think it's because weekends were when Mr. G and I always got together for ball games, travel, and mostly church. You see, we didn't live together and spent time alone during the week in our own homes. This was our routine for over 16 years. We did winter together in Florida. Those times are the most lonely now. I don't have a buddy to take that 2 hour road trip to try a new Mom/Pop restaurant. Since this is my kinda second time around, I'd say this weekend darkness is normal. Yep, I guess getting out into the new world is what has to be done. Keep going.
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