I'm a list maker, for sure.
If I'm at work and I think of things I need to do, I might set an alarm in my phone, but I will just as often jot a list on a post-it note and put into my pocket. I make lists for groceries, errands, reminders, you name it. So its no surprise that I sat down and made a list called "Things I can do to make myself feel better when I start sinking..."
I started off great yesterday, getting ready and out of the house on time for work. But once I was there I felt this gloom come over me that just snowballed into full out despair and while I know that in part is caused by hormones and my own brain, I also know that I have to find a way to deal with it when it happens. My sister's advice was to keep adding things to my life that make me happy or that I enjoy. But lately its been hard to find the happy in things I once loved to do. She said I should be as proactive about letting go of the things I cannot change and adding more good things.
On the face of it, that sounds reasonable and right now I have to have some sort of life jacket that I can hold on to. Enter the list.
I will refer to it often, adding and subtracting things, and it will serve as a visual reminder here on my desk to not give up. There has to be some light at the end of this tunnel. I am so tired of this feeling.
Grieving is no joke - its 100% hard work.
The list sounds like a very good idea. In making myself happy and occupied, it's cost me over 4000$! I bought a new sewing machine. However, I am enjoying it. Life is tough now as after 5 months, I got the courage to go over to Mr. G's house in April and started deciding what to do with all his things. It was so tough and has really pulled the energy out of me every time I've gone over there. Only lasted an hour each visit. Each time I go, is a bit better in that I don't totally tear down, but still get very weak. Met the guy today that's going to help clean it out. The work will start in a week. I really hope once that job is off my shoulders, I will feel much better and as you say, not have that gloom hanging over me. God bless you in this challenge of life. Keep making those lists.
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