Year three of a re-cap of my widowed life. Previously I wrote this like I was talking to Mark. But now I am writing to myself, as encouragement and a way to look back with pride at all that I have accomplished, big and small. Was it a better year? In some ways, yes. But it also had challenges.
And a few tears here and there.
courtesy of my "new" therapist
January - took Christmas down, worked New Year's Day, decided I would start going and doing, continued meeting with therapist, saw dentist for teeth cleaning, took myself to a movie, started meeting with dietician, spiffed and re-stocked the kitchen pantry and added long term food storage, Spencer turned 35, started taking mental health days and using my PTO once or twice a month, saw my doc and got some lab work done, set up a puzzle table in the den, bought a smaller file cabinet and purged all the household files, thought about Mark on his birthday. Off to a strong start.
February - did some blog post purging, tossed ALL of my old planners, Grayson and I helped Dylan move out, set up a sewing room, had a heart CT on Valentine's Day, started going to a coffee shop to journal once a week, went to the "Mesmerize" art installation, had the house ducts cleaned, therapist started flaking out on me by cancelling and rescheduling appointments, spent a week painting and cleaning the garage. So proud of myself!
March - sporadic calls with therapist (no more video calls for some reason), stopped meeting with dietician, visited Umlauf Sculpture Garden, started a paint by number, took myself to a movie, worked on the taxes, volunteered with TXIWC in Buda, gave a co-worker the propane tank - the last big thing in the garage to get rid of. Finding my way on my own.
April - saw Chicago in concert at ACL Live, hung some heavy art in the garage (by myself!), created an art collage wall in the office, worked on the yards a bunch, sold some albums to Half Price Books, followed-up with dermatologist about hair, came home to smashed glass/broken broom courtesy of Grayson, planted some shrubs, treated the crepe myrtle, replaced the sink disposal, started meeting with a friend once a month for coffee or beer, started regular walking. Looking forward to the empty nest and creating a home just for me.
May - saw a science film at the Rollins Theater, had a switch in the kitchen replaced, had a yearly physical, got rid of the Baja, had a bone density test, attended Hospice Austin webinar, saw "Summertime" movie/symphony, did another paint by number, went twice to Drop-In concerts downtown, cleaned the gutters, got an oil change, worked on Memorial Day. Adding in more creativity and entertainment, handling issues.
June - saw the eye doc, attended grief webinar, painted and repaired garage screen door, scrubbed and sealed the deck, listed some things for sale on Ebay, got a haircut, sewed some hearts for IFAQH, worked some extra hours, took photo for certification wall at work and attended tranquility luncheon, saw Stick Figure in concert. I feel confident.
July - Saw ortho doc for right shoulder issue, saw "Waitress" at Zach Theater, bought a ladder, attended gin tasting at TW, painted sewing room, started PT for my shoulder, started weaning off antidepressant, saw dentist for teeth cleaning, started looking for new therapist, got a mammo, had leaky washer repaired, remembered Mark. Feeling the burn this month.
August - replaced dryer duct, applied for Medicare, took dinner to Dylan, went to first book club meeting, replaced one of Brigid's tires, attended grief webinar, graduated from PT, took dinner to Spencer, Dylan and Chloe and I helped Grayson move out, reached 32 years as XR tech, neighbor's tree fell near fence with no damage (whew!), painted laundry nook, ordered a couch, major clean of guest room and bath. Handling things - GO ME.
September - painted guest room, painted the den, saw Jeff Goldblum at Bass Concert Hall, had hearing appt., Chloe turned 34 - took her birthday treats and decided to stop pestering her about visits, went to book club meeting, got my flu shot, saw a chiropractor for shoulder. By now the therapist had "dropped" his clients, including me, so I started with a new therapist. I will not be defeated by change.
October - sold some stuff on Ebay, moved leather couch to garage with Dylan's help, new couch arrived, power washed the back patio, follow-up with dermatologist and ortho doc, met with Edward Jones guy, attended book club meeting, got a haircut, attended grief zoom, saw "Star Wars" movie/symphony, attended grief webinar, took myself to another movie, cashed out some PTO, Dylan turned 30, saw Black Violin in concert, sold the black and white chairs, got Grayson off my car insurance. Tying up loose ends and it feels so great.
November - book club, Brigid oil change, ordered wood delivery, repainted master bedroom, visited with Dylan, spoke to Pete about Mom's estate, decided to stop with the grief books and webinars,
attended tranquility lunch at work, bought Thanksgiving tobacco for Mark's pipes, attended 2 book club meetings, went to a Georgian wine tasting at Total Wine, saw science movie at Rollins theater, donated blood, picked up Turkey Trot packet, got Tiff's Treats, visit from Chloe with birthday treats, did a bunch of food prep, had busy and fun Thanksgiving. Feeling happier than I have in a long time.
December - saw my PCP for blood pressure follow-up, saw a movie out, moved all my plants to the garage (by myself!), had lunch with a friend at a brewery, mailed two Christmas cards, went to a spirits class at Total Wine, saw "Home Alone" movie/symphony, started photo project, mailed box of photos to MK, filled stockings, attended Christmas Eve services at St. Luke's, worked Christmas morning and spent time with peeps, Grayson turned 27, had last appointment with "new" therapist after much progress. Looking forward to a new year, new goals.
I'm ready to keep this momentum going!
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