Two things I know about me:
1. I am hard on myself for making mistakes. I will either immediately take the blame and begin chastising myself, or I will try to rectify it quickly in a panic. Either way, I punish myself with guilt and feelings of low self-worth, no matter the size of the mistake.
2. I ruminate over my mistakes and try to make sense of them even when there's not a clear reason for them. (sometimes things just "happen" and are unavoidable).
I try to remind myself that I am human and inherently flawed. That the universe is random, with lots of moving parts, and all of us are having this experience. The fact that everyone makes mistakes is not tied to low morality or intelligence. How could it be when we all make mistakes? The good I do outweighs the bad and does not define me as a person. The big picture is more important than my mistakes - there is a balance. What matters is that I am trying to make the right decisions and sometimes I do not, but I still continue to strive for my best. I dislike it when I fail, but it happens.
I am kind to others that fail, especially at work, because I know how it feels for them.
Do I not deserve the same kindness from myself?
To answer your question, yes, you do!
ReplyDeleteIn the moment, I wish I could reassure myself!
DeleteI don't know why it's so much harder to be understanding about other people's mistakes, but not your own. I wish I did, we would make it easier for ourselves.
ReplyDeleteRight? Its like you punish yourself!
DeleteAbsolutely be kind to yourself! A mistake is a learning opportunity and/or a need to apologize most of the time but not anything more.
ReplyDeleteI definitely need to look at it that way!
DeleteI think that's a common theme, that we're often hardest on ourselves. It's not easy, but I guess we need to remind ourselves that we deserve the same grace...because, as you said, everyone makes mistakes.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if men do this? I bet not!
DeleteSometimes I hold on to regret over something I have done or said for years...decades! Probably no one else ever gave it another thought, but I'm still kicking myself. I've been making some headway recently. When I start to think "Oh, that was a horrible thing I did," I have a ready response of, "It wasn't well thought out; I'll use it as a learning tool, and I'll do better next time. And I'm really good at ____ (empathizing, listening, problem solving, etc.)" It has kind of broken the cycle of thinking about it over and over for me.
ReplyDeleteOh yes. Sometimes my brain tortures me with past mistakes that no one except me remembers. Usually involving my children. I do need to have a ready response to repeat to myself!
DeleteI once read the following take off of the Serenity Prayer.
ReplyDelete"God grant me the serenity to quit beating myself up for not being perfect." I need to repeat these words often because I'm much more apt to be down on myself than content with what I am/do. Maybe we're all prone to judging ourselves harshly.
Yes, and sometimes there's a lot of pressure on women to be able to do it all and not mistakes, even in the worst of times.
DeleteHello, my friend. I hear you and know how hard it is to quiet the voices in our mind. Hugs! You are awesome!
ReplyDeleteThank you (:
DeleteThis is so honest and relatable. I certainly do the same, going over and over in my head what I could have done differently.
ReplyDeleteIts a mental loop I would love to break!
DeleteI recognize this so much. That reflex to be harder on yourself than you would ever be on someone else... it’s so familiar.
ReplyDeleteWhat really struck me is your last question. You already have that kindness, you give it freely to others. That says something true about you. Maybe the step isn’t becoming a different person, but slowly learning to include (y)ourself in that same grace.
You’re not alone in this at all😄 Thank you so much—it really helped me see myself a bit more clearly… and maybe be just a little less strict with myself for once.
Isn't it ironic that we tend to be less kind to ourselves than others?
DeleteYes, you surely do!
ReplyDelete