The therapist suggested that one reason my dreams keep cycling back to the garage is from unresolved anger at Mark. For many things, and the garage seems to be the epicenter. I feel like I have journaled and blogged that to death, but I haven't really let that part of me fully express herself. What would she say to him if he were here? Instead of shutting her down and crying about it (and dreaming), what if I let Angry Gina have her say?
When I was busy working and raising kids, trying to hold it all together, I had to swallow down most of my frustrations and anger to keep the peace. Mark had a hard time listening to understand. Often he would match or out-bid my energy and instead of getting something resolved, Past Gina would just back down.
Well, current Gina is here now, listening.
She's going to let Angry Gina have her say. She's going to sit right here, in Ground Zero of the frustration and express herself. She gets a good 10 minutes - more if she needs it - up to 4 times a week. If she thinks of something to say while I am at work, or in the middle of something else, I will ask her to wait. But I will always assure her that she has the right to feel the way she does and I will listen to her. I'm going to do for her what I wish someone would have done for me.
"I hear you. I understand you had some rough times. You had a right to feel the way you did. What can I do to help you get what you need now? I appreciate everything you have done and will honor that and be understanding of you. I can see that you needed a break."
I'm going to end by thanking her, for all of her hard work. And then I will send love to her. And my hope is that gradually, Angry Gina will feel heard and she can quietly merge into current me.
Ready to move forward without so much anger.
That approach sounds very powerful and healing.
ReplyDeleteOne day she may run out of steam, but I feel like that's no time soon...
DeleteGood for you. I feel women are so often denied that angry side by having it not taken that seriously.
ReplyDeleteYES! Even my mother would say "Oh, Gina. You have such a nice (fill in the blank). You should be happy." But happy doesn't come from suppressing your feelings.
DeleteGreat idea. Clearly, those feelings are coming out, and so far it's been in ways you can't really control, like the dreams. Maybe by making time to feel heard you'll be able release them.
ReplyDeleteYep - thats what I am hoping!
DeleteThis seems productive and therapeutic, my friend. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteSo far, so good.
DeleteGlad to read that this helped you and thank you for sharing your story with us.
ReplyDeleteSo far, so good!
DeleteI was just thinking about you this morning. I still have SO far to go with decluttering, and since it's my stuff, I have emotional feelings about letting go. I have real avoidance of the decluttering chores. This morning I was appreciating how good my bedroom looks, and thought how nice it would be to feel that way about every room in the house. And I actually said to myself, think about everything Gina has done, and how happy her kids should be that they don't have to deal with it.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing great things, and growing through the process!
Awww...thanks so much! A lot of my purging was pure therapy, wine glass in hand. (:
DeleteThis sounds like a great plan to get rid of Angry Gina!
ReplyDeleteI hope it helps her fade a bit...but she did have a right to feel the way she did.
DeleteThat sounds like an amazing plan and should help a lot.
ReplyDeleteI'm getting there!
DeleteDealing with anger is a tough one for most of us.
ReplyDeleteGosh, the combo of grief and anger is diabolical!
DeleteI agree with the others - this sounds like a really healthy way to process your feelings. Fingers crossed it's helpful!
ReplyDeleteSo far, it is helping. I have to sit in that chair less often.
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