The therapist suggested that one reason my dreams keep cycling back to the garage is from unresolved anger at Mark. For many things, and the garage seems to be the epicenter. I feel like I have journaled and blogged that to death, but I haven't really let that part of me fully express herself. What would she say to him if he were here? Instead of shutting her down and crying about it (and dreaming), what if I let Angry Gina have her say?
When I was busy working and raising kids, trying to hold it all together, I had to swallow down most of my frustrations and anger to keep the peace. Mark had a hard time listening to understand. Often he would match or out-bid my energy and instead of getting something resolved, Past Gina would just back down.
Well, current Gina is here now, listening.
She's going to let Angry Gina have her say. She's going to sit right here, in Ground Zero of the frustration and express herself. She gets a good 10 minutes - more if she needs it - up to 4 times a week. If she thinks of something to say while I am at work, or in the middle of something else, I will ask her to wait. But I will always assure her that she has the right to feel the way she does and I will listen to her. I'm going to do for her what I wish someone would have done for me.
"I hear you. I understand you had some rough times. You had a right to feel the way you did. What can I do to help you get what you need now? I appreciate everything you have done and will honor that and be understanding of you. I can see that you needed a break."
I'm going to end by thanking her, for all of her hard work. And then I will send love to her. And my hope is that gradually, Angry Gina will feel heard and she can quietly merge into current me.
Ready to move forward without so much anger.
That approach sounds very powerful and healing.
ReplyDeleteGood for you. I feel women are so often denied that angry side by having it not taken that seriously.
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