One thing I want to remember about Mark and Mom*

 Mom

     She had such strength.  She may have cried and felt immense sadness, but she always managed to "pull her socks up" (her words) and get on with the business of life with great dignity.  As a single working mom, she set such a strong example for me and I try every day to think of that as I navigate this whole messy grief life.  She felt her losses deeply, but managed to create a life for herself just the same.  And she forever loved and missed Jim, but carried on bravely with faith.  She was a powerful force in my life.

Mark

     His love for me was true, steadfast, and strong.  He often said he never stopped loving me, even when I was un-loveable.  He may have been cross with me at times, but it never changed how he felt about me deep down inside, and I knew that. I hope I was able to express to him how much he meant to me, too.

The best things about two of the best people, who I miss deeply.

*I'm following a series of prompts for a few posts.

Mom

 Oh, this makes me sad to post.

But its been 2 weeks so here goes.

Jeannette Ogden Parry 3/01/1930 – 9/28/2023

Jeannette Parry of Brenham Texas passed peacefully on September 28, 2023.

Born during The Great Depression, Jeannette, the daughter of Malcolm Ogden and Beatrice Pledger lived a simple, yet idyllic childhood spent roaming the woods and springs of rural East Texas with her brother Robert and cousin Charles, who both preceded her in death.. She graduated high school at age 16 in Coldsprings, Texas and as a young mother of three enrolled in XRay school at Herman Memorial Hospital. This set the stage for a lifetime of work in the medical field of Imaging. In the late 70's she increased her knowledge and training and was the first Ultrasound Technologist at John Sealy Hospital at UTMB in Galveston and served as Chief Technologist, living the example to her children of the importance of an education and training. She worked all over the United States and two hospitals in Saudi Arabia. She was an expert at anything she put her mind to: quilting, crochet, embroidery, cooking, raising chickens, gardening, traveling. She had a zest for life and an indomitable spirit.

Jeannette was married four times and had eight children – 6 girls and two boys: Jeannette, Sherry, Alene, Margaret, Kenneth (deceased), Gina, Melissa, and Kurt. She recently expressed how happy she was to have been a mother. In addition she had 23 grandchildren, 11 great grandchildren, and four great great grandchildren. She created a legacy of love and resilience in the face of adversity and was a force to be reckoned with. She was predeceased in death by all of her husbands, her son Kenneth, and her beloved companion Gus. Through it all, she never lost her faith or her strength of character. Good job, Mom - you were a courageous and strong woman who set an example for all of us. We look forward with great joy to being with you again someday. 

Some bright morning when this life is over
I'll fly away
To that home on God's celestial shore
I'll fly away
I'll fly away oh glory
I'll fly away in the morning
When I die hallelujah by and by
I'll fly away

I just want to add, that I may have put a kinder touch to things or made it seem like a peaceful passing.  But the last two months were traumatic and stressful for my sisters and myself.  How much Mom understood was happening is unclear.  There was a sense that she was trapped in a body and brain that did a slow job of dying. Since none of us knew exactly what to expect, what we should do, nor how to do it, grief started up almost immediately.  And because of the way my mother arranged her affairs, it will be months before we can finalize them and move on.

So, an 8 month timeline for my mother's mastectomy, stroke, fall, hospitalization, decline, death, burial, will probate, and disposition of property.  Cue grief.

Happy things for October 2023

 A little work-related humor:

Because this has happened to every XR tech

*After a couple of months that were stressful and terrible, Mom passed. It may sound awful to anyone reading this, but I feel relief mixed in with the sadness.

*The weather is cooling - we had a good drenching rain and the grass and shrubs and trees are greening up!   

*I got myself scheduled for painless fillings on the bottom row of my front teeth that will improve my smile.  I got a haircut that released a lot of bounce and looks far less straggly.  I am getting back on a regular schedule with my vitamins.  And I am not eating fast food or junk snacks. I am not letting go of self-care.

*Grayson got a part-time job. I have big blocks of time where the house is all mine.  Hooray for alone time.

*I continue to organize and clean out spaces at my house -  it feels good to stay on top of things.  And I have plans to do some things for the house that the weather will make much pleasanter.

Fall feels like a mini New Year.

Snail mail

As  POA for Mom, I've had to rely on my stash of legal size envelopes, stamps, and return address labels a few times.  That is in addition to having to fax things. The world runs on paper even still. Fax machines are still in use, as well as paper, real ink signatures, and postage.

I ran out of legal size envelopes, so I added them to my grocery list.  Previous to that, I was using just regular ole' envelopes, mostly to stay in touch with Mom.  We have been "faithful correspondents" for years since before I went away to college.  My handwriting was so sloppy that I started typing the letters.  I knew that she was delighted to receive them - she told me that it was the first thing she opened when she found one in the mail.  I wanted her to be able to read them with ease.  Short and sweet - one page long. Phone calls were for her to share what was going on in her life.  Truth be told, I wanted to hear it.  Even though she said I told her otherwise, I never did.

Looking at the plastic bin under my desk is hard. Mother may have misunderstood a thing or two that I wrote to her, and she often "quoted" me incorrectly, but writing her a letter, at least once every week or two, kept me grounded and connected to her.  At some point, I will collect all of those letters, that I am sure she never threw away, and add them to the collection of the letters she wrote to me in response.  They span years and years as a diary of our life together as mother and daughter.

Gus

Months ago I asked Mom what the plan was for Gus when it was time. "Gina, why can't you let me be happy?" was her reply. 

And I get that she didn't want to think of losing him.

But Gus was plagued by glaucoma and could not see.  Likely had migraines, according to the vet. Wasn't hearing too well.  Had a limp, probably due to arthritis or dislocated hip.  And had become incontinent.  This wasn't going to work  at my sister's house, and offers to help weren't really realistic.  Gus is an indoor dog and already a couple of years past his life expectancy.  Mom wasn't aware of Gus; Gus wasn't aware of Mom.  And there was no easy way around it - he had no quality of life and he needed us to relieve his suffering at the vet.  It was time.

So on Thursday, I did.

I understand what he meant to her and I know she would not willingly part with him.  But she was asked several times if she wanted to see Gus, and she said no. It was the second time I had to let a pet go this way, crying like a baby the whole time.  I know my mother will forgive me one day when he greets her in heaven with his happy little barks and wagging tail.  I have to believe that I made the right decision to end his suffering and act humanely.

Rest in peace, Gus.  

Its September

I wanted a whole lot of things to be different this month.

 Mom had sailed through her mastectomy, with very minor and expected surgical side effects.  She had one of my older sisters staying with her, which turns out was a very good thing.  All along I feared that mom was no longer safe by herself and I believe I was right.  Turns out she had fallen at least a couple of times before July - she just didn't tell all of us.  At two weeks post surgery she was feeling cantankerous and yelled at my sister that it was time for her to go.  Which my sister did - not recognizing a change of behavior in my mother.  And exactly three days later, mom had a stroke while standing, fell, and hit her head hard.

So, stroke plus head trauma. Add in broken ribs.

She spent a couple weeks  in the hospital, bouncing back and forth from ICU and Neuro.  Then she got transferred to a rehab hospital, which was no rehab at all.  Its only September as I type this, and maybe by the end of the month some big things will have been resolved, God willing, and we can find a safe place for Mom.

Happy things for August 2023

The happiest thing?  July is over.

Summer is almost over, too! 

Table for one, please.

I love sitting on my deck, even tho its hot.

Fall can't be far away, but also:

*I am going to get the last few maintenance items done on my car, and then I'm going to start the process of selling the truck.  That will make room in the driveway as well as eliminate that expense for me.

*2 of the 3 vehicles got updated (tags, titles, license plates) Expensive, but with a minimum of hassle.

*Related: my finances are improving. 

*I have now been at my new hospital for 3 months and my work stress is greatly reduced.  Like comparing night to day!  I like my co-workers, boss, commute time, pay, hours, equipment, and working conditions.  

*After getting over a 2 year hump, I am feeling better.  I know there will be rainy days ahead, too.  But the sunny ones seem to be lasting longer now.