If I could tell him about my year, what would I say?*

 Dear Mark,

     Here is a quick month-by-month rundown of what 2023 looked like for me.

I wish I knew how this whole "swimming through grief" thing is done.

January - Made a nice meal which none of our kids showed up to, met Deb for a beer, paid Texas State, had a bout of gastritis, got a mammo, celebrated Spencer's birthday, dropped off my car for major repair, took a week off for a big ice storm that damaged our trees, cried and drank, thought about you on your birthday, as always.

February - Called my mother on the regular, took fallen limbs to the curb, paid Texas State, picked Deb up for a wine club pick-up, took a load of crap to Goodwill, cleaned at mom's, cried, worked on my back yard, saw the dentist, went to Highlands, let Dylan move back home.

March - Called Mother on her birthday, had ATT come out due to squirrel chewing, replaced the water filters, had an asthma attack for the first time in my life, ordered curtain rods, paid Texas State, put new tires on the truck, bought Mom a rosebush and made her a pie, got an oil change, had a well-woman visit, met new friends at Circle Brewing, cried, posted your eulogy on this blog, cleaned the garage again, saw a dermatologist.

April - did more yard work, paid Texas State, checked on Highlands, met a friend and her mother for a beer on Easter, had my last day at DCMC during a stressful week at work, cried, started at the new hospital, put out bulky trash for collection,  cancelled the wine club, got a haircut, ate lunch out with my new team, cleaned out my kitchen cabinets, donated more crap, started working weekends.

May - mulched the front landscaping, picked up wines at Perissos, started taking call every Wednesday, cleaned my oven, Mom had a breast biopsy and repeat mammo (its cancer), paid Texas State, took yet another load of crap to Goodwill,  cried, threw out all of your shoe polish, steam cleaned the carpets, refinished the kitchen cabinets, called the handyman for Highlands, worked Memorial Day, had an eye exam, was forgotten on Mother's Day.

June - refinished the coffee tables, started weekly mowing and edging, cried, cleaned out two gutters, shredded a bunch of paperwork, sent money to Grayson, tried to fix the ceiling fans, called the tile guy, went to Highlands with Dylan to oversee pipe repair by a really weird handyman, found a realtor to list Highlands, scrubbed and sealed the deck, saw my mother, paid the trailer tags, sold Highlands/canoe/trailer, got my labs drawn, replaced my landscape lights, took extra call, got Mom's echo results, got in trouble for not group texting on Father's Day.

July -  worked July 4th, Mom had a mastectomy, painted the backdoor, met with financial advisor at credit union, failed at finding a new counselor for me, met a friend for a beer, picked up some important documents in downtown Austin, sold your guitars, really cried, closed on Highlands, bought tires for my car, Mom had a stroke and fell - visited her in the ICU, brought Grayson home from Texas State, hospice arranged for Mom.

August - Visited mom in Bryan hospital several times, took the marine battery to the recycle center, Mom transferred to Caldwell Rehab, drove to Caldwell several times, took the Baja in for repairs, found Grayson drunk and puking in a ziploc at home, started working to manage mom's affairs, got a steroid shot for severe knee pain, organized all the tools, got off the antidepressant, never called out, saw my doctor, send a craft project to a friend, cried, got my roof inspected, got more trees trimmed, changed homeowners and auto insurance, saw the dentist.

September - took paint to the recycle center, had more routine maintenance on my car,  visited Mom at Melissa's house a couple times a week, worked on finding a nursing home, had Home Depot come measure the floors, euthanized Gus, cleaned Mom's house and gathered up her mail, put more bulky trash out, met with mom's financial advisor, spent hours at Wells Fargo, spent hours at Chase, put new tires on the Baja, initiated a long term care policy claim for mom, celebrated Chloe's birthday, got a refund check from the first nursing home and found a more suitable place, so much crying, went to Brenham again to check mail and set up timers, tile guy delivered tile, stressful move of Mom to Spanish Oaks where she then died a few hours later.

October - planned a funeral, wrote an obit and arranged it to be published, tried to help Spencer re-home his cats which didn't pan out, took Dylan and Chloe with me to abovementioned funeral, got a haircut, noticed the fridge is leaking, guest bathroom tile job was begun, found Grayson passed out in his room, cried and panicked, painted and purged my office, got rid of the wine fridge and about a dozen wine glasses, celebrated Dylan's birthday, took jewelry in for repair.

November - Took paperwork and files to mom's executor/lawyer, including all of her wet and ruined mail from the post office, got the name of a new therapist I won't follow up on, put a Christmas tree up in my bedroom, noticed the fence is falling and called a fence company for a quote, got the tile job done in my bathroom, made cinnamon dough for ornament tags, cried, got my air ducts cleaned, had the switch replaced in the boy bathroom, replaced the shower stall splash guard, got TxTag to cancel your account, took a beginner Tai Chi class, took myself to a movie, cleaned the house/cooked all of the food/hosted Thanksgiving after working a 6 hour shift, decorated the Christmas tree with Dylan, cried a lot, thrift shopped and found a dress for Christmas Eve.  Made my New Year's resolutions early.

December - Battled a 2 week respiratory illness, took more things to Goodwill, haggled with T-Mobile over my bill, got a contact number for the hospital chaplain, got Harry's diamond cufflinks turned into earrings (Merry Christmas to me), changed the air filters, put together all of Christmas gifts, decided not to send out cards, decorated the house, cried, didn't drink as much, paid the 6 months due tags on the Baja, found another of your knives to give Grayson for his birthday, got rid of most of the firewood, made fudge, participated in Secret Santa at work, attended church virtually on Christmas Eve, hosted the kids for Christmas Day, celebrated Grayson's birthday, un-decorated/cleaned/organized the week after Christmas, finally got Grayson to tell me he didn't pass his last class, moved some furniture around, took Christmas down, watched Netflix and read, and will work the entire weekend of New Year's.

Hopefully this recap will look far different in 2024.

*I'm following a series of prompts for a few posts.

Happy things for December 2023

My December home is sanctuary. 

Peaceful, quiet, beautiful, relaxed.  Just what I want to feel.

*In November, I gave all of Mom's papers and mail to the attorney and now I am doing no more than the other three heirs in regards to her estate.

*Some random home repairs are off my list: the fan switch in the boys' bathroom, the dryer vent was cleaned for the first time in years, and the tile job is finished.  Three things off my Rustown list.

*I was done with Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving and stayed within a very reasonable budget.  

*I'm off work Christmas Day, and if the weather allows I will take a nice long walk, eat a delish meal, read for a bit, and relax with a nap!  And I am looking forward to working my regular shift on New Year's Day as a send-off to the '23 holiday season. 

*Grayson will be done commuting to San Marcos.

*My nails are back to growing and look great.  I got some jewelry repairs done and am enjoying said jewelry.  I started up walking again.  And health-wise, everything is on an even keel for me right now.

All is calm.  All is bright.

One thing I want to remember about Mark and Mom*

 Mom

     She had such strength.  She may have cried and felt immense sadness, but she always managed to "pull her socks up" (her words) and get on with the business of life with great dignity.  As a single working mom, she set such a strong example for me and I try every day to think of that as I navigate this whole messy grief life.  She felt her losses deeply, but managed to create a life for herself just the same.  And she forever loved and missed Jim, but carried on bravely with faith.  She was a powerful force in my life.

Mark

     His love for me was true, steadfast, and strong.  He often said he never stopped loving me, even when I was un-loveable.  He may have been cross with me at times, but it never changed how he felt about me deep down inside, and I knew that. I hope I was able to express to him how much he meant to me, too.

The best things about two of the best people, who I miss deeply.

*I'm following a series of prompts for a few posts.

Mom

 Oh, this makes me sad to post.

But its been 2 weeks so here goes.

Jeannette Ogden Parry 3/01/1930 – 9/28/2023

Jeannette Parry of Brenham Texas passed peacefully on September 28, 2023.

Born during The Great Depression, Jeannette, the daughter of Malcolm Ogden and Beatrice Pledger lived a simple, yet idyllic childhood spent roaming the woods and springs of rural East Texas with her brother Robert and cousin Charles, who both preceded her in death.. She graduated high school at age 16 in Coldsprings, Texas and as a young mother of three enrolled in XRay school at Herman Memorial Hospital. This set the stage for a lifetime of work in the medical field of Imaging. In the late 70's she increased her knowledge and training and was the first Ultrasound Technologist at John Sealy Hospital at UTMB in Galveston and served as Chief Technologist, living the example to her children of the importance of an education and training. She worked all over the United States and two hospitals in Saudi Arabia. She was an expert at anything she put her mind to: quilting, crochet, embroidery, cooking, raising chickens, gardening, traveling. She had a zest for life and an indomitable spirit.

Jeannette was married four times and had eight children – 6 girls and two boys: Jeannette, Sherry, Alene, Margaret, Kenneth (deceased), Gina, Melissa, and Kurt. She recently expressed how happy she was to have been a mother. In addition she had 23 grandchildren, 11 great grandchildren, and four great great grandchildren. She created a legacy of love and resilience in the face of adversity and was a force to be reckoned with. She was predeceased in death by all of her husbands, her son Kenneth, and her beloved companion Gus. Through it all, she never lost her faith or her strength of character. Good job, Mom - you were a courageous and strong woman who set an example for all of us. We look forward with great joy to being with you again someday. 

Some bright morning when this life is over
I'll fly away
To that home on God's celestial shore
I'll fly away
I'll fly away oh glory
I'll fly away in the morning
When I die hallelujah by and by
I'll fly away

I just want to add, that I may have put a kinder touch to things or made it seem like a peaceful passing.  But the last two months were traumatic and stressful for my sisters and myself.  How much Mom understood was happening is unclear.  There was a sense that she was trapped in a body and brain that did a slow job of dying. Since none of us knew exactly what to expect, what we should do, nor how to do it, grief started up almost immediately.  And because of the way my mother arranged her affairs, it will be months before we can finalize them and move on.

So, an 8 month timeline for my mother's mastectomy, stroke, fall, hospitalization, decline, death, burial, will probate, and disposition of property.  Cue grief.

Happy things for October 2023

 A little work-related humor:

Because this has happened to every XR tech

*After a couple of months that were stressful and terrible, Mom passed. It may sound awful to anyone reading this, but I feel relief mixed in with the sadness.

*The weather is cooling - we had a good drenching rain and the grass and shrubs and trees are greening up!   

*I got myself scheduled for painless fillings on the bottom row of my front teeth that will improve my smile.  I got a haircut that released a lot of bounce and looks far less straggly.  I am getting back on a regular schedule with my vitamins.  And I am not eating fast food or junk snacks. I am not letting go of self-care.

*Grayson got a part-time job. I have big blocks of time where the house is all mine.  Hooray for alone time.

*I continue to organize and clean out spaces at my house -  it feels good to stay on top of things.  And I have plans to do some things for the house that the weather will make much pleasanter.

Fall feels like a mini New Year.

Snail mail

As  POA for Mom, I've had to rely on my stash of legal size envelopes, stamps, and return address labels a few times.  That is in addition to having to fax things. The world runs on paper even still. Fax machines are still in use, as well as paper, real ink signatures, and postage.

I ran out of legal size envelopes, so I added them to my grocery list.  Previous to that, I was using just regular ole' envelopes, mostly to stay in touch with Mom.  We have been "faithful correspondents" for years since before I went away to college.  My handwriting was so sloppy that I started typing the letters.  I knew that she was delighted to receive them - she told me that it was the first thing she opened when she found one in the mail.  I wanted her to be able to read them with ease.  Short and sweet - one page long. Phone calls were for her to share what was going on in her life.  Truth be told, I wanted to hear it.  Even though she said I told her otherwise, I never did.

Looking at the plastic bin under my desk is hard. Mother may have misunderstood a thing or two that I wrote to her, and she often "quoted" me incorrectly, but writing her a letter, at least once every week or two, kept me grounded and connected to her.  At some point, I will collect all of those letters, that I am sure she never threw away, and add them to the collection of the letters she wrote to me in response.  They span years and years as a diary of our life together as mother and daughter.

Gus

Months ago I asked Mom what the plan was for Gus when it was time. "Gina, why can't you let me be happy?" was her reply. 

And I get that she didn't want to think of losing him.

But Gus was plagued by glaucoma and could not see.  Likely had migraines, according to the vet. Wasn't hearing too well.  Had a limp, probably due to arthritis or dislocated hip.  And had become incontinent.  This wasn't going to work  at my sister's house, and offers to help weren't really realistic.  Gus is an indoor dog and already a couple of years past his life expectancy.  Mom wasn't aware of Gus; Gus wasn't aware of Mom.  And there was no easy way around it - he had no quality of life and he needed us to relieve his suffering at the vet.  It was time.

So on Thursday, I did.

I understand what he meant to her and I know she would not willingly part with him.  But she was asked several times if she wanted to see Gus, and she said no. It was the second time I had to let a pet go this way, crying like a baby the whole time.  I know my mother will forgive me one day when he greets her in heaven with his happy little barks and wagging tail.  I have to believe that I made the right decision to end his suffering and act humanely.

Rest in peace, Gus.